What's in a name?

The wedding plans are coming along - we get married in just under two months, and I find myself relatively calm. M and I have our moments of freaking out, but overall, we're getting everything sorted. For me though, I've got one other thing I need to work through: changing the name.

I don't think as a little girl, or even a year ago, I could comprehend what it means to say you're going to take on the name of the man you are to wed. It's not a new concept, and it's not even a strange one. In fact, it's a tradition I kinda like and have never had the intention to go against. But now that's it coming down to crunch time, I find it's making me jittery and I'm getting a strange case of cold feet.

And the worst part is - I'm not sure why! Obviously, it's a HUGE change. I won't be "me" anymore - but I'll be something new, something different - a new covenant. And that's sooo awesome. But still, I'm finding it hard to look at my name - the name that I have come to know and love for 26 years, and I think "I won't be that anymore!"

Girls out there - how have you deal with these mixed feelings? Seriously. (This is of course going on the asumption I still have readers - it has been AGES!)

I'd love to get some feedback!

Two minus one

M left for Romania on Friday. I'm really excited for him - he's getting a chance to do some good in the world, but I've gotta admit, it's strange going about the day to day without him. I now understand what he was talking about when I went to Germany sans him. It's like you get a glimpse of what life was like before having that other person around - and well, I too, don't like it. Not at all.

In fact, it's got me pondering again about where I was this time last year. In the midst of cracking into little pieces. I was starting to deal with painful issues that were bubbling to the surface and I was wanting so badly to not hurt anymore. I also wanted so badly to have what I have now with M. But a skewed perception of it, really. I wanted so badly to have a life that was exciting and lovely, and I wanted to have someone to share it with. But I didn't see that my way of pursuing it was all wrong. I was running after the type of affection that I thought would be true love, love that I saw my other friends find. And I began to dispear and think that it was never possible for me. Ever.

Imagine now what it's like to have love, true love, land in your lap. Truly amazing. I didn't excpect it. In fact, I downright pushed it away. But God's got a funny way of turning things around. And I truly hold Him accountable. But I won't go into all the gushy details. All I know is that I feel like something is missing.

M, come home soon! I love you!

Ode to Mellow Cat

Mellow Cat,

If you're out there and still reading my blog - this is for you.

I miss you, friend. It's not the same without you around all the time. I really wish we lived in the same city where we can actually talk or hang out. The dynamic at our old hang out has changed so much, and you, my friend and ray of sunshine, are no longer around to make things better.

I hope all is well - please let me know how're you doing.

Love,

Felicity Jane

I'm convinced Google is taking over the world

Recently, I set myself up with even more Google related accessories. Along with my gmail and blogger, and my frequent use of YouTube, I find myself also frequently my iGoogle page (kinda like a dashboard from Mac OSX but online) and my Google calendar. Quite frankly, it's a little silly. I guess I'm just pumping even more money into their corporation.

;)

Once again bitten by the Fluevog bug

Yesterday was a bit of an adventure. I convinced M to come long to the Fluevog store on Queen West with me. I was going in the hopes of finding a shoe called Ruby that I really was eyeing to get as wedding shoes. They're great shoes - and they're on sale. For really one sale. Like crazy discount on sale because Fluevogs can run super high in cost. I'd been eyeing then online for about a month. And yesterday was the day to do something about it. And it was all good...until...well, yep - I waited too long. They didn't have my size in stock. I'm so sad!

Luckily, they had other cute shoes on sale too. So I got another cute pair called Sally Jane. I figure with a second name like that, they've gotta be good. Right? What do you think?

Sneak-tastic!

Ok everyone - I may have hope to bringing my blogging life back on track! I have figured out a way to access my account during the day when I couldn't before! Yay! This means all the wonderful posts that I had in my head for so long might actually get written.

Sweet.

Super out of practice

It's been ages again. I don't why I got out of the habit of blogging, it used to be a huge joy - but alas, too much has been happening in my life I guess. Not only have I been doing shows, but I've been falling in love and well....GETTING ENGAGED!

Yes folks! As of July 5th, 2007 I am officially taken and set to marry M. I'm so happy - and a little stressed. We're planning on getting married in January, so it put things into perspective. I can't wait to start this new life. It's kinda crazy, but only that way because it doesn't seem crazy at all. And when put in to perspective with all the moaning and crap I was thinking and feeling this time last year, I've come a long way. God's done a lot of work, and he's sent me an amzing man who loves me for who I am, and what I am. And best of all he knows about God too! Seriously. It's a blessing. A truly amazing blessing.

Amen to that!

Countdown to Harry Potter

Ok - there are days to go - yes, it's almost time! Harry Potter is almost here! Twofold! Can you believe it? I can't! I'm so excited about the book/movie coming out that I've re-read all of the past books and I'm working my way through the past films in preparation. I've even gone as far as reading just about everything on J.K. Rowling's official website, searching Wiki for details, and reading up on discussions held on fan sites. I am so prepared and so excited. I can barely contain it all. Really. I'm going to sit and read my book - just that one book - until it's done. Done. Done.

WOOO!

And so in honour of me being slightly obsessed, check out my new widget.

A good dose of bad medicine

So, it's over and done with. Grey's Entourage has hit the stage, left a few splinters and decended into a memory of singing, dancing and drunken debauchery. All I can say is that it was a blast. Truly. I got to work with some fantastic people who brought their shit night after night to make this a revolutionary show! And the production team was so awesome - we did all we could to think outside of the Players formula and we learned a lot! I am so proud of everyone!

And on top of that we broke some serious records:
1. The most auditions to sign up for any QPT show - EVER! All 2 weeks before hand!
2. We sold out the show entirely in record time - 10 days before the show even started!
3. We had a record challenging raffle with everything from chocolate to airmiles.

Seriously. This was so awesome.

Seriously.

A thoughtful post

So, It's been ages since I've written on my blog. To tell you the truth, I've thought about it tons of times, but I just haven't felt the motivation to get to writing. It doesn't help that I've been super busy (directing a show, travelling to Germany, and the like). Plus it's summer - it's nice outside, and I don't want to spend my nice sunny evenings squandering my hours on my computer. Really.

But I also have to admit, I've had the blahs as well. I've been totally stressed out and maxed out these days. It's like I never have time to relax. I run from work to event to event to sleep to work to event to sleep to work to event...I'm sure you get the picture. It really does take a toll. So often, people who are like me don't take the time to take care of ourselves. We go, go, go until we just can't handle it anymore. Then we collapse, recover slightly and then start to fill lives up all over again. And it's just tiring.

I know I'm not one to criticize anyone for this approach in life. Heaven knows I'm much happier when I'm going full tilt rather than sitting twiddling my thumbs. In fact, I detest being idle. It makes me feel lazy and unmotivated. And that's dangerous. Really. Once that feeling is triggered, I start to decend into feeling resentfulness for not having enough to do - especially at work or with organizations where I want to help out. Kinda silly, but still it happens. On the other hand, if I get too busy and take on too much, this lack of a break pushes me into feeling misunderstood and unappreciated if I feel that others aren't at the very least validating what I'm doing and if they don't do as much as me. Clearly I am a drama queen.

But the question is - why? Why does it have to feel this way? I'm beginning to think it is because I've got my motivations all mixed up. I want to help people and feel useful for recognition, for validation, and that's just not what life is all about. It's about finding a balance, centering yourself and walking steadfast away from the anchor on which you stand without pulling on the chain to hard. It's about servitude and not attitude.

I've been really struck by this thought in the last two days. I keep complaining (loudly) about being unhappy and unmotivated. I feel under-appreciated and overworked. Really, it's just my pride that feels that way. Inside my Spirit is just saying - hold firm, God will restore you. God will give you the will and the ability to serve others. This is a gift not something to make you feel better. And I've been neglecting that Spirit.

So, I'm gonna work on one thing - breathing - feeling that sense of Spirit enter my lungs has give me strength. I mean, afterall, every drama queen needs a little bit of humulity.

Have I lost the will to blog?

So much is going on with the show, my trip and life I find myself hard pressed to want to sit down at the computer to blog anymore.

What is wrong with me?

Seriously? Seriously.

Oh, and I've got a new haircut

It's a Coupe Bizarre do. My first ever. I like, though I miss Shampoo ('cause it's my fave).

Let me know what you think.

Dear Blog

I am not forgetting about you. I am simply too busy to give you the attention you need. I think about you constantly - about all the weird and wonderful information that I should share with you like:

- Meeting Mr. Reynolds with Tuffy at the Ben Folds concert
- Getting last minute tickets to Lily Allen
- Having a kick ass time holding auditions for Playaz AND having a new kick ass cast
- Starting rehearsals
- Learning more about God's redemption
- Learning I have cavities

But alas, I have become neglectful and more socially flutter-by like. I am never home. I am too busy to blog at work. I barely see you anymore.

Please don't forget me, Blog. I still love you. I just need to not see you everyday for a while.

Love,
Felicity

Now the Green Blade Rises

Now the green blade rises
from the buried gain,
wheat that in dark earth
many days has lain;
love lives again,
that with the dead has been:
Love is come again like wheat that springs up green.

In the grave they laid him,
Love whom hate had slain,
thinking that never
he would wake again,
laid in the earth
like grain that sleeps unseen:
Love is come again like wheat that springs up green.

Forth he came in quiet,
like the risen garin,
he that for three days
in the grave had lain,
quick from the dead
the risen Christ is seen:
Love is come again like wheat that springs up green.

When our hearts are wintry,
grieving, or in pain,
Christ's touch can call us
back to life again,
fields of our hearts
that dead and bare have been:
Love is come again like wheat that springs up green.

Postface - and GO!

Also of note

A) I've finally added more pics to my Flickr account. Woohoo for updating sites that aren't Facebook.

B) I will be seeing Ben Folds on Friday. Woot!

C) Lent is almost over. I can enjoy beer and wine and tequila again.

Like losing a good friend

Ever find that reading a good book is like discovering a new friend? I do. Probably because I'm a true bookworm at heart who bonded more with books than people when I was younger. Just sayin'.

Right now I'm reading the book Tandia the sequel to the very awesome book The Power of One by Bryce Courtenay. Both very enthralling books, mostly because they are set in a very politically charged pre-apartheid and apartheid South Africa. I'm totally into this book and the story is somewhat stressful and disturbing, but very true feeling. I want to find out what happens, but at the same time, I don't want the book to be finished yet.

It truly is like losing a good friend.

Guess I'll just have to find something else to read until the next Harry Potter comes out.

Rediscovering a love for Dilbert

When I was younger, my sister was really into Dilbert cartoons. I remember this because I ended up buying her a Dilbert t-shirt as a gift from FAO Schwartz when I went in grade 11. I, however, didn't really get into it. I think it's because one has to spend some time in an office before it truly begins to make sense.

These days, I've been a bit of a cranky pants a work. We've had a lot of work and a lot of change happen in the last few months, and I've been really trying to keep it light, but alas, I have not always been successful. Therefore, I've been searching for a light diversion to keep me smiling during the day. Somehow (I think because of M) I stumbled on to Dilbert. And of course, now that I work a desk job in an office, this is all the funnier to me.

Here's one of my favourites:

Winning over parents = good, stolen iPods = bad

This weekend I decided to take on another adventure. Yep, it was about meeting the parents. M's parents, of course, seeing as I've met mine.

So after work on Friday, M and I left the city to head down to Lambton county - more specifically to the chemical valley, aka Sarnia. Even more specifically we went to Sombra. It's a thriving community of maybe 200 people. Very pretty, but you'll see in a minute why I mention these facts...

The drive was good - we made fairly good time once we got past the Friday commuter traffic. It was a nice drive, as M and I got to spend some quality time together. Before I knew it, it was 9 pm and we were pulling into his parents driveway. Then the meeting happened - both of his are really nice, and his puppy Winston is super cute. We had a good, though brief, visit before hitting the hay for the night.

The next morning, however, presented me with a different view of the tiny little Sombra. Yep - I awoke to M asking me one simple question "Did you take the iPods (meaning mine and his) out of the car?". My response: "No". Oh crap. Turns out both of them were gone, gone, gone. GAH! It seems the door might have been left open and someone got in and took them both.
The good news - we didn't lose the cell phone, wallet or expensive sunglasses we also foolishly left in the car. But still - the iPods...

Later that day we tried to put it out our minds and focused on family time. I got to play hockey with M's brother and nephews. It was a lot of fun, and lunch was great. Really, I just felt really welcome, and that meant a lot to me. It was a successful day. I think I'll be welcomed back..

That evening we headed of to Wendy's to join her Hawaiian party. It was good to have a chance to meet her friends, and to have Wends meet M. Wends ended up getting up some really strange and funny outfits for Value Village, and we all looked pretty silly. It was nice. It's just too bad I couldn't taste any of her Hypnotique breezers (stupid lent...)

Sunday was all about breakfast and then heading out, but not without raiding Wendy's CD collection first. We made it home in under 3 hrs. Safe and sound. And iPodless.

For /dr. Remember when...

I went to Forum for Young Canadians and met Andrew Rennie?

I looked like a little boy? (Yes, that really is me).

I was a mascot for the 1998 Newfoundland and Labrador Winter games?
(I'm in the Carrie Bou suit).

I was a figure skater?
I had a helmet hair cut?

or a bowl hair cut?

Oh my. This has been fun. Honestly.

Holy Crap.

It's been ages since I've updated my blog. Sorry faithful followers (if indeed you do exist).

Life has been pretty crazy - work has been off kilter lately as one of our beloved colleagues moved on to different pastures and we've been training someone new. (I'm really excited for RK, it's just sad that he's gone because he will be missed). This has meant some really busy weeks though at work - I've been doing my work as well as someone else's tidbits so it's been hectic. On top of which, life has been busy - lots to do. QPT stuff is picking up - auditions are coming up just after Easter. The band, dubbed Shawn Jurek and Team Power, did our gig on Saturday night, winning the Toronto Kickball Battle of the Bands. And I've been working on some film stuff too, doing makeup for Anton's commercials.

And I'm sure most of this post doesn't even make sense because I'm sick and totally out of my attention span for blogging. I'm really just doing this out of obligation, and I'm rambling.

I need to sleep, I think. And so I will.

A turn for the better

So, having a boy around who loves to board is definately a bonus. Especially when you've been wanting to learn since high school and you haven't quite mastered a few skills on your own.

Last Sunday evening, M, his friend Ben and I drove up to Blue Mountain to take advantage of one of the last nice days of the winter to board! It was gorgeous weather - you barely need to double layer your gloves, and the snow was pretty good too! It was here on that day, with a little help, I had a major triumph - I learned how to turn uphill (and not faceplant in the snow). It was amazing! I did it! WOOT!

Next thing I knew, I was heading down the hill faster, getting up some more speed on my turns and I was stepping into becoming a real boarding betty. Yess! I have missed that feeling ever since I left Labrador. Now I'm hooked!

I guess this means I'd better save up some cash for a board of my own.

(See the one I want above)

And the other best part was getting to share it with M and all his friends. That's just an added bonus. Hugs to you all!

MuteMath

So, last night was a new experience for me. Not only did I see my very first show at the Opera House, but I had my very first experience of MuteMath live. And all I can say is WOW!

Before going to see the show, I really didn't know much about the band at all - I was going solely on the recommendation of M. He said that he loved the band and it was one of the single best live acts he's seen. I'm not going to lie, I was a little skeptical, mostly because I was totally not expecting anything to knock my Muse experience out of my #1 spot. Yet today I have to admit it. MuteMath wins hands down! They were simply outstanding! Their album does no justice to the experience of seeing them live.

Overall it was a pretty awesome night.

To start the evening, M and I went to meet some friends for dinner at the Real Jerk on Queen E. It was really good food, complete with a new adventure as I tried the curried goat. Ha! I still can't believe that I did, but oh well, it was fun to try something new! Then we hurried over to the Opera House with more friends to get ready for the show. Luckily, yet another friend was holding out a sweet railing spot, and we squeezed into watch the opening bands - The Reason (from Hamilton) and The Cinematics (from Scotland). Both bands were pretty decent, but I was definately more into the second as they were just tighter and more interesting. Either way, it was a good way of priming the crowd.

Next we prepared for the main show - MUTEMATH! Really, from start to finish these guys were really tight and interesting to watch. They were all over the map - each member was playing all sorts of different instruments. For serious.

I can't even tell you. So check out this clip. This is the exact show we saw. Wow.

Out and around

It's been another neglecto-blog week. I've been out and occupied almost every night this week, and I've been trying to get to be on time too, hence no blogging. Sorry loyal reading fans.

There is too much going on with me - I had an awesome weekend. Friday night was pretty lazy - actually all of Friday seemed that way...mostly because I worked from home and didn't have as much to do as I would have hoped because the office building got shut down for the day. Luckily M was there to drive me back home and such. That night, him and I went to dinner then to the ROM, which is awesome, because I haven't been since my third night in Toronto. Then we went to see the Radical Dudez play at the Horseshoe.

Saturday was pretty laid back. I did some errands during the day, and that night went to Preface, this awesome fundraising event for Freedomize India. There are some great pics I took, some of which I will post on my photoblog.

All in all, a very successful week.

Degrassi. Live it. Love it.

Lately I've been really into watching my Degrassi Junior High Episodes. Sooo good! Really.

Here is a glimpse at how awesome it is:

Mum saves the day!

Yesterday, I was at work fretting because I had to fill out a government form. As per usual, I was asked to provide my address history for the last five years - a task that may be easy for some, but when you had three address in 2004 alone, it's tricky. So there I was trying to get this done quickly and efficiently, but having the hardest time remember the numbers of houses I lived in in 2002! Ugh! I tried Mapquest, Canada Post, Google - combinations to help me remember! I just wanted it done.

Eventually, I gave into asking for help. I called home. I asked Dad if he had my mailing address for the house I subletted a room in the summer of 2004. Was it 121 King St W in Kingston? Nope! He couldn't help. Then suddenly, through a stroke of genius, Dad to decided to check one last place: Mum's handy household phonebook. Eureka! There they were - all my known address from 2000 to 2007 written down with phone numbers. It was such a relief. One hour of work terminated in 5 minutes!

Mum, you rock!

A life gets a little more complicated...and busy.

Life is really good this week. I'm happy. I've been spending a good chunk of time feeling super productive and the other half spent with a stupid grin on my face. Oh well. That's never a bad thing.

So, what's making life so different?

1) Making some commitments - to God, to love, to many things. But I'm committing even more to being a Godly woman. And He's rewarding that! Woo!

2) Co-creating some potential projects - I'm not going into great detail yet, but there are a few ideas on the horizon! It's gonna be really cool.

3) Directing the next QPT show - Grey's Entourage. Hollywood's Been Hospitalized. The show is going up in June. The auditions are in April. Come one come all!
Check it:

4) Some potential music - with my friend Shawn. March 24th. Keep this open!

Wow. That's a lot.

I'll keep you posted.

What does your Candy heart say?

So, I came across this online. I thought I would try it in the spirit of Valentine's.

Your Candy Heart Says "First Kiss"

You're a true romantic who brings an innocent hope to each new relationship. You see the good in every person you date, and you relish each step of falling in love. Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a romantic dinner your sweetie cooks for you Your flirting style: friendly and sweet What turns you off: cynics who don't believe in romance Why you're hot: you always keep the romance alive

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

But really, I just enjoyed making up my own:

Philosophy (a few words from Mr. Ben Folds)

go ahead you can laugh all you want

I got my philosophy

[keeps my feet on the ground]

and I trust it like the ground

that's why my philosophy

[my phil]

it keeps me walking when I'm falling down

[los-o-phy]

I see that there is evil

and I know that there is good

and the in-betweens I never understood

won't you look at me, I'm crazy,

but I get the job done

yeah, I'm crazy, but I get the job done

and I say:

go ahead you can laugh all you want

but I got my philosophy

[keeps my feet on the ground]

and I trust it like the ground

that's why my philosophy

[my phil]

it keeps me walking when I'm falling down

[los-o-phy]

Growing pains

It's days like today that I really wish I was done growing up. Realistically, that's hard to say because we're never can fully say we've finished growing. Intellectually, physically and even spiritually we should always be searching for something bigger and better. To move up, to move on, or to simply move. Heaven knows I don't want to settle or become to comfortable in life so that I can't see the next step...but sometimes it's just so damn hard.

I'm really feeling that these days. I'm in the middle of a super intense spiritual and faithful journey. One that involves me searching deep within myself to find God in all the cracks, scars and deep set wounds of my heart. This journey started over a year ago when God told me He was gonna move in my life. I remember that day so clearly. I was walking down the street from then Rachel's house (now my house) and I was thinking - about a book I'd read, about God and about life. I was thinking how great it would be to commit my life fully into the path of Jesus, and what that would mean. And suddenly I could feel God saying - "Yes, do it! I am with you and I will change your life. Just commit to me and I will change so much." And I said "ok!"

That was the first time I didn't feel scared of the final product. That product being a Godly woman. The woman I am in Christ. I am nothing if I am not that. And I was not born to be nothing.

Now I sit a year into this journey, and more and more I feel like my insides are being ripped apart. I've been through so many ups and downs. I've had laughter, I've had pain, and God's made me come out alright. He healed some surface wounds. Now He is saying that is delving deeper. Into the dark, hardened elements of my heart. The very core of my being that is scared and walled in. And He is asking me to let in the Light. And I'm scared.

Not because I don't want to be healed, but because it hurts like hell and I don't know how to show my weakness. If I do, I just won't be able to stand up. I'm afraid that God won't love me, that my friends won't love me...that I won't love me. Or simply that I will fail to change. And that's a tough challenge to face. Especially when it means doing things you don't necessarily want to do. That's the "fun" part - realizing that growing up involves the violence of choice - as in choosing something because you have to obey, because God is asking you too.

And I'm really struggling right now. I know I have to focus myself on the cross. I have to sit and beg for the right to be there, but at the same time I have to let the Light come in. I have to let God work. I have to let Him make me move. I have to lay down by still waters so He can restore my soul. And it's about discipline. And babysteps. And taking the sweet with the sour.

I just pray that I can remember that. Mostly because I just feel like screaming "Stop this pain, you bastard!" Why make me feel if you're just going to hurt me. But it's true, growing up has it pains. And His rod and staff with comfort me. And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Amen to that.

Dolly-eyed.

Yesterday as I was heading to work, listening to my tunes, a Dolly Parton song came on. And it made me smile. You see, I've got a soft spot in my heart for Miss Parton and I have had once since I was a little girl. Mostly because my mother is a fan, and no family vacation was complete without a list of her favourite Dolly tapes. (Paul Simon, Chris de Burgh, Roy Orbison and Nana Mouskouri are other favs).

Dolly makes me smile. Listening to her softly lilting voice and her simple yet at times profound lyrics, I remember sitting on the floor in my house in Labrador, listening to White Limousine and staring a Dolly's huge pink nails in her cover art. I remember singing along to Slow Dancing With the Moon with my sister and mother in the car. For some reason, Dolly just keeps me smiling.

So, today, I felt inspired to share of few of my fav Dolly lyrics with you to make you smile:

Love is like a butterfly

As soft and gentle as a sigh

The multicolored moods of love are like its satin wings

Love makes your heart feel strange inside

It flutters like soft wings in flight

Love is like a butterfly, a rare and gentle thing

(From Love Is Like A Butterfly written by Dolly Parton)

I cross my heart and hope to die

I'll always be here by your side

My love grows stronger as the time goes by

Cross my heart and hope to die

And all those times we're not together

You're in my heart and you're on my mind

You're like a part of me that's missing

I cross my heart and hope to die

(From Cross My Heart written by Rachel Dennison, Randy Parton, and Frank Dycus)

It's been a long dark night

And I've been a waitin' for the morning

It's been a long hard fight

But I see a brand new day a dawning

I've been looking for the sunshine

'Cause I ain't seen it in so long

But everything's gonna work out just fine

Everything's gonna be all right

That's been all wrong

'Cause I can see the light of a clear blue morning

I can see the light of a brand new day

I can see the light of a clear blue morning

And everything's gonna be all right

It's gonna be okay

(from Light of A Clear Blue Morning written by Dolly Parton)

"The thing that's always worked for me is the fact that I look so totally artificial, but am so totally real. It gives me something to work against. I have to overcome myself. I have to prove how good I am."
— London Independent, June 2002

"Hard core" boarding

I haven't written much here in about a week - once again I had a week filled with good and bad. Luckily it was mostly good, unfortunately the really bad at the end of the week is making me feel awful...but I won't go into that here. Anyway.

Today I decided to hit the slopes with a few pals - and of course attempt to snowboard, something I've only done once before in my life over a year ago! So I borrowed some sweet sweet equipment from my friend Alison and I went.

The day was good overall - we got there in really good time, and we managed to get on the hill just before 3 pm. Of course, our first run of the day was down a much bigger hill than I was on last year and to my surprise I didn't fall down getting off the lift. Challenge number one conquered! Woo! That definately boosted my confidence. I couldn't believe it! I could actually keep myself standing and concentrate on working my toe edge. That was the first run!
Now, part of this I generally attribute to having much better equipment than the crappy rental I used last year, but obviously I learned something!

For most of the day I kept a good just above newbie pace with my friend Paulo and my new friend Sam. We pushed ourselves to go on the bigger hill and to work on the right technique. Sam was super impressive - she'd never been on a board before and was keeping up to everything going on! Wow. Paulo was working it really well too. It was good to feel like I was doing to right kinda steps (yes, not too much but still babysteps). But of course, we did end up with a few bumps and bruises. My crowning moment was when I was just getting the hand of a toe edge uphill turn around a snow bank - I was doing really well then overcompensated by putting too much pressure on the edge. I slammed foward into the snow bank, smacking my eye and leaving a mark. (See picture - and yes, that is a real scratch!) I definately looked more hard core after that!

So, yes, I had a really good day! Nearer to the end when my friends KJC and Adam finally met up with us, I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty tired and my legs were starting to rebel, but we pushed on! I got in a few more runs before we had to leave to get Sam back to Toronto to catch a bus at 10:30. Ha! We left at 8:30 and didn't think we were gonna make it - but we did, with literally 30 seconds to spare - she got the bus and it was a good end to the day.

Now I'm here, blogging, nursing/counting my bruises and I'm ready to go to bed with just enough good memories to get me through tomorrow.

Something to think about

Oh God, where are you now?
by Sufjan Stevens

oh God, hold me now
oh Lord, hold me now
there's no other man who could raise the dead
so do what you can to anoint my head

oh God, where are you now?
oh Lord, say somehow
the devil is hard on my face again
the world is a hundred to one again

would the righteous still remain?
would my body stay the same?

oh God, hold me now
oh God, touch me now
there's no other man who could save the dead
there's no other God to place our head

would the righteous still remain?
would my body stay the same?

there's no other man who could raise the dead
so do what you can to anoint my head

oh God, hold me now
oh Lord, touch me now

Holding out for a Hero

Tonight after church me a fun crew (Tim, dr/., Alannah, Adrian, and K) went out for a bite. All I really wanted was a burger - so, we decided to hit up Hero Burger at Queen and Palmerston. Such a good idea. The food was good, the gent at the counter was super helpful and we had a fun time.

I like this hero fresh from the grill.

Save Evil Dead The Musical

Go see it! My friend's Chris, Frank and George wrote it, and it's great! It's gonna close on the 17th if you don't go! Please - tell everyone!

All the Men in My Life (keep getting killed by Candarian Demons)

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I haven't felt much like posting

But I've been feeling a lot lately - it's been an emotional rollercoaster ride this week. Ups and downs at work, same in my personal life. It's like I'm trying to rub a shark the wrong way - I'm slightly confused as to what I'm doing, and sometimes it just hurts like hell (see science lesson below).

Science Lesson of the day on my favourite animal:
Did you know a shark's skin is really quite rough? It's made up a of a s a matrix of tiny, hard, tooth-like structures called dermal denticles or placoid scales. These denticles have a plate-like base supporting a main body composed of dentine with an enameloid capping and a central pulp cavity. Thing of them like curved, grooved teeth and make the skin a very tough armor with a texture like sandpaper. The apex of the denticles points toward the tail which is why a shark feels relatively smooth when stroked from head to tail, but rough when stroked in the opposite direction. These scales also help the shark swim more quickly because their streamlined shapes helps decrease the friction of the water flowing along the shark's body, by channeling it through grooves. Also, the shark's skin is so rough that contact with it can injure prey. Some people have been known to sustain cuts and injuries from being "bumped" by sharks. (Yes, I know this because I love sharks!)

Good moves

It's Sunday morning, I'm waking up...

I slept in until about 13 minutes ago. Figures. I've had a long weekend. After the couch deal, I lost and/or had my wallet stolen on Friday. The last night I had a rough conversation.

There was a lot of fun too, but I just felt tired about everything today, so I chose to not get up until now.

Maybe church will be better.

Apparently not a bad decision

So I came home early today (thanks to M for the ride) and I checked on the newly grounded kitties. I was half expecting them to have found something to rip into. I was so totally wrong. I opened the door, and they had both found happy new sleeping places. We sat together, I gave them some love and then I got a few great pics of the littles ones.

And this is why it's impossible for me to completely hate them.

Last kitty hair

So, tonight I noticed the very thing I did not want to see...the cats have gotten to my couch. The entire bottom netting has be ripped and there are some small, but annoying claw marks on the front of the couch. Argh! Yes, they are small, but in principle, it's the last thing I wanted. I haven't finished paying for my couch yet! And they've gotten my curtains, my shelves, my potted plant and my imitation leather chair. The couch was too much.

They are currently locked in the freshly stripped bare bathroom. (With a blanket, food, water and litter box). This is their new home when I'm asleep or not home.

Sigh. Cute cats, but a little bit psycho.

A rotten day with a peaceful end

Nothing went right again today. Most of my colleagues were cranky pants too. It's kinda too bad. Oh well. At least my girl time with the neighbourinos was totally awesome.

Yay to girls. Yay to girl prayers. Yay to God.

Tantrum Smantrum

Ugh.

Today didn't start out well. I fell asleep with my contact lenses in. I woke up with them stuck to my totally blood shot eyes. Then I had to clean up after the kittens. I don't think I'll ever get used to having to sweep up kitty litter every morning and night. Then I showered. Seem ok so far, right? Yeah, gets worse...

I sit down on my bed. The bed frame shifts and my boxspring hit the floor. So did I. GAH! I very noisily start to try and fix this issue. I have to pull off the mattress, I move the boxspring. Can I feel any worse? I'm already overtired and feeling frustrated. I take a minute to check my computer - what??? It's not recognizing the internet/my airport express hardware anymore. Shit! I can't handle it. I call Rachel and get the number for Apple. I find out I'm on set up. GAH!

I start to yell and scream. Today sucks. The first Mac help guy does nothing because I don't have the purchase date on hand. I yell at him and practically hang up. I take a minute, find the date and call back. I get Sam. Sam helps me fix the issue. I thank him. I fix my bed and clean my room. I breathe.

What tantrum?

Breakfast of champions

This morning I woke up, kinda tired, but smiling after a great evening out at the Drake with M and his crew. (Happy birthday Kenneth, and props to BK for organizing). I rolled out of bed, played with the now tamer kitties, and then shower and headed out for breakfast with Kevin, Adam and Alain. So random but so much fun!

Turns out the boys had a really crazy night last night too - the most of which was apparent by the lovely look to Adam's face this morning. Seems he threw up and threw down all in the name of JD. Hahaha! So hilarious! Breakfast was good - good conversation about life, politics and making a difference in the world. Really appreciated. It's good to know that there is conversation out there that isn't just about relationships and poo.

Trying out a new look

It's been a year, and I've upgraded my blogger account, so why not make it look different.

Cheers.

Adventures in Kittysitting

As of this past Friday, I have been babysitting my friend Shawn's cats. They are two adorable tabbies - both male and moderately sized. Really gorgeous. But yes, they have been an adventure indeed. You see, a little while ago I agreed to help Shawn out while he's in Cuba by taking his cats here at my place. I'd only met them once before, but I mean, seriously, how hard could this be? Well, I've learned it's a lot of fun, but it's a real adventure too!

It's been two days since Shawn dropped the kittens off, and I've barely seen them. The one, Muffin, likes to hide so I expected that. The second, Shanks, is a little more curious, but also has been mostly MIA. Tonight when I got back from FT and a movie, I found Shanks walking around and we shared a moment - he purred and let me pet him, aww...However, I did notice something else the minute I walked in - a new not so nice acrid smell of cat. Eww! One or both of the cats had sprayed in my bathroom and the smell was overwhelming. Not cool. So, what does this mean? Well, internet research (ie Googling) suggests they aren't comfortable here yet and they are trying to make the best of their stress. Makes sense, but me no likey the smell! Further reading suggest that cats are apt to spray bedding, etc and I'm so no down with that. So I opted to bar the kitties out of my bedroom. Easier said than done.

I managed to get both kittens into my living room area, that was fine, until I noticed one thing - Muffin was unusually MIA, as in I couldn't spot him anywhere. Not cool. Finally I spied him - he was stuck between the wall and radiator under my window - the one radiator that is encased in wood! AHHH! It was a this point I began to panick! I couldn't leave him there all night! He was stuck! So here I am at 11:15 at night, with a cat behind stuck in a hot spot. So, I called for reinforcements - my lovely neighbourino, Johanna. She came over and between the two of us, we dismantled my shelfing and the wooden casing on the radiator enough so that we could pull Muffin free. He of course was scared shitless and spilt, totally ripping my hand with his claw! Ugh.

What an adventure. Good news is the cats are both safe - Muffin has since let me pet him and hold him, and Shanks has been hanging out and cleaning himself (which Jo says is a sign he's comfortable). Sigh - here's holding out for the next adventure, and here's to learning not to sleep the whole night through anymore.

Kitty steps.

Piecemeal

Ever take yourself too seriously?

I think I have been lately. Maybe. It's just funny. I read things like my post from yesterday, something I wrote in a rather melodramatic moment, and I wonder what people must thing when reading my blog. Really. Are they afraid I'm a little "too intense"? It's hard to say. I mean, this blog is really just a projection of thoughts and musings - a means to express to the world. Sometimes it's just a nice little amusing diary of crap. That's what a diary is really - crap. (Thanks Bridget Jones). Who knows.

Maybe not of this is "real". Who knows. Would I sit here and express everything like this in conversation, and if I did would people care to hear it? So people care to read it? And if so, what is the effect?

Mostly it's just funny because blogging is a snapshot of thoughts. It's little rants about whatever and well, yes, they can be weighted, but they aren't everything. They aren't the whole picture. They are little pieces of piecemeal that are carted off with the eyes. They are a dusty window, but not a door to the soul.

If you really wanna know me, just ask me.

And that is all I have to say about that.

(Oh, and M, yes, this was inspired by our convo, but not in a bad way). :)

Overwhelmed/Sabotage

Tonight I'm feeling a little emotional and overwhelmed.

It's not something that easy to explain, other than it relates to a tough moment of having to face something I hate to admit: I need something.

That may sound simply enough to admit, but this isn't just something flippant I am saying. This is an incredibly stubborn and proud person, who loves to solve every little problem, and love to be "fine" saying, nay screaming - I need something, I cannot do this right by me or even by God. I am broken.

Ugh - even what I am writing is too cryptic to even really make sense - sorry readers. I'm trying to find a balance between expressing my inner thoughts and keeping myself from blurting out certain things I should keep to myself into the virtual world.

Tonight, or this weekend rather, I had a couple of different things happen to me. Most of them were good - most of them involved a slight change of heart - things that have touched my jaded/scarred heart and have said "Yes, there are truly amazing things out there - things you DESERVE. The desires of your heart are not wrong." Things like having a true best Christian girl friend, having a weekend with new and old friends, having an awesome learning moment with God. All great things.

So why am I feeling so overwhelmed and that I'm not sure what to do with myself? Am I running scared from being loved? Am I cheating myself with ingrained wordly thoughts that are telling me that I don't deserve these things? Am I simply being sabotaged by the Dark?

I don't know. No, that's not true. I do know in some ways. God help me, but I do. And what I don't know He will show me...but still...

I've been set to thinking about the ugly/dark things in me that have come bubbling to the surface this past little while. Emotions and hurt that are related to present circumstances, past circumstances, and worst of all childhood circumstances. You know what I mean - we all have them - little knotches or scars to wounds that we nurse/hide/heal in our hearts and minds. I see them building up into a wall around me and I am feeling like I am screaming from one side to the other. I see the light through the cracks and I want over or around this, but I am just not strong enough.

Sabotage.

But the major thing is that I do see the light. I am fully faithful that if I hack at this wall long enough it will fall down because this is God's will. I don't deserve God's grace and love, but yet this makes me a person all the more in need of it. I am want nothing else that to be the woman I am in Christ.

Prayer.

Until I am, world, please be careful with me. I'm just not that strong sometimes.

More mice madness

Sometimes there are things in life you should just continue to be blissfully unaware of. Like fecal matter on your toothbrush (see this episode of Mythbusters) or that your comforter in a hotel room probably wasn't washed between hotel guests. Again, these are not things you want to think about.

Well, I stumbled upon a situation like that this weekend. I hate originally come home on Saturday night to get a good night of sleep. I simply thought to a couple of quick household chores before bed, the major one being cleaning up and moving the mouse poison I have set out in my kitchen seeing as this week I am set to babysit two lovely kitties in my home. I don't want to poison them. Makes sense, right? Well....

In this little clean up, I stumbled on a very nasty thing - the real home of the last set of mice in my house. It seems they no longer liked the original cupboard they were in, and moved across to the other one in my kitchen (the one sans food) and they seem to have been having a party. My shopping bag collection was sitting on top of the largest amount of mouse feces I have ever wished to see in my life. Eww. And the worst of it - a dead baby mouse. So, not only had they camped there, they breeded there, and shat there. Double eww.

Now, I am not a squimish person - I am not afraid of mice - dead or alive. I am, however, distincly opposed to living in a ferocious festering fecal forms. In other words, I don't wanna live in shit. So I cleaned. And cleaned, and disinfected, and poisoned, and cleaned and moved the fridge and cleaned (shudder to more poo)...all ending just after 1 am. Ugh. Only to find mouse poo near my garbage can in my bedroom!

YAAAAAAAARGH!

What an adventure. I just hope these cats are mousers.

Boo to being sick

I'm donating my lungs to the gods of bacterial infections.

No fun.

Especially the awful sounding coughing and sore nose.

No fun infinity.