The wedding plans are coming along - we get married in just under two months, and I find myself relatively calm. M and I have our moments of freaking out, but overall, we're getting everything sorted. For me though, I've got one other thing I need to work through: changing the name.
I don't think as a little girl, or even a year ago, I could comprehend what it means to say you're going to take on the name of the man you are to wed. It's not a new concept, and it's not even a strange one. In fact, it's a tradition I kinda like and have never had the intention to go against. But now that's it coming down to crunch time, I find it's making me jittery and I'm getting a strange case of cold feet.
And the worst part is - I'm not sure why! Obviously, it's a HUGE change. I won't be "me" anymore - but I'll be something new, something different - a new covenant. And that's sooo awesome. But still, I'm finding it hard to look at my name - the name that I have come to know and love for 26 years, and I think "I won't be that anymore!"
Girls out there - how have you deal with these mixed feelings? Seriously. (This is of course going on the asumption I still have readers - it has been AGES!)
I'd love to get some feedback!
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5 comments:
I'll get Danielle to post her thoughts. She went through this as well, and is still going through it over a month after our wedding. It's a tricky thing considering how closely linked your name and your identity are, and given what it's meant in the past to take your husband's name.
hey dude - if you wanna talk about this in person, I'm game. andrew and i just officially hyphenated the other day. both of us are now the S-R's. if you wanna know why and how and all the deets, just let me know.
love!
I think your current full name with the 'new last name!' on the end would sound exceptionally awesome, so if you go that way you could have the best of both worlds. I ditched my old last name ASAP b/c I always hated it, so I had no initial feelings of anti-ness. Sometimes I do think, why was I so quick to change it and become LH? I think b/c I was excited to find out who that person was going to be. And I find it really sexy to be a Mrs. My advice is to stick the new B last name after the current A last name while officially going as Mrs. B, just b/c FJAB sounds incredibly good together! And it spells effjab. Random.
I changed my name because my husband had strong feelings about it and I was sort of ambivalent. I wanted to keep my last name because it was nice and Frenchy to go with my Frenchy first name. But my first name works well with my married name as well, so I didn't really fight it. The compromise, however, was that any children will have my last name as their middle name.
It didn't take too long to get used to it. One thing that is weird, though, is that when someone calls me be my maiden name, I don't even notice. That is still me.
Hey Felicity...it's Julia Churchill...congrats on your upcoming wedding - wow! Perhaps you are married by now...anyway i just happened to stumble on your blog and had to comment on this post. My suggestion would be that you use both your name and your husbands (?) ! I know quite a few couples who have done this and even some where the man has taken on both names as well! I think it's super common and very understandable since you have used that name your entire life up till now. I also know women who haven't taken on their spouses name at all and hyphenated their children's last names. I guess it just occurred to me as I read your post that maybe you are one of these people...and i think if you are it's all good - go with your gut.
I'm not married but there's my 2 cents! Peace and best wishes for both of you and your marriage! -Julia
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