M left for Romania on Friday. I'm really excited for him - he's getting a chance to do some good in the world, but I've gotta admit, it's strange going about the day to day without him. I now understand what he was talking about when I went to Germany sans him. It's like you get a glimpse of what life was like before having that other person around - and well, I too, don't like it. Not at all.
In fact, it's got me pondering again about where I was this time last year. In the midst of cracking into little pieces. I was starting to deal with painful issues that were bubbling to the surface and I was wanting so badly to not hurt anymore. I also wanted so badly to have what I have now with M. But a skewed perception of it, really. I wanted so badly to have a life that was exciting and lovely, and I wanted to have someone to share it with. But I didn't see that my way of pursuing it was all wrong. I was running after the type of affection that I thought would be true love, love that I saw my other friends find. And I began to dispear and think that it was never possible for me. Ever.
Imagine now what it's like to have love, true love, land in your lap. Truly amazing. I didn't excpect it. In fact, I downright pushed it away. But God's got a funny way of turning things around. And I truly hold Him accountable. But I won't go into all the gushy details. All I know is that I feel like something is missing.
M, come home soon! I love you!
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