A not so jaded heart

Every now and then I like to take a moment a reflect on old thoughts and musings. Usually I do so with my journal, but today I took a moment and re-read my post on my jaded heart from last October and it's funny...I understand why I wrote what I did. In fact, I still agree with the feelings that I expressed. It's just interesting to see that there have been a few changes in my heart since then.

For instance, I wrote "My fear is that my heart will become so jaded about this one small thing, and this will bleed into all my relationships, and I will eventually close my heart."

Wow.

Since then I feel like so much of this has changed - the walls have been broken down and it's just humbling to stop and reflect on how God has healed me. It almost seems easy to say that I don't even think that my heart is closed off anymore; however, there is caution in uttering that because there is still a ways to go. I feel like I've learned how to be more open and receptive to what people say - and to accept things. The whole world isn't out to cheat me. My close friends aren't holding back from me. My jaded heart is also not the world's responsibility. Resentment doesn't come from anyone else's actions but my own. I am responsible for my own heart.

We are constantly bombarded with darkness and death and it seeks to seep into our lives like a slow acting poison. I see so clearly now that I let the hurt of the past poison my heart, and I set up walls to protect my battered inner core. But those walls did nothing else but cause me to hide like a scared little girl who fears she can never be love. Instead of protecting me, they blocked out the Light. Yet I underestimated how badly the Light wanted in, and it was strong enough to burn a little hole into the walls so that a ray could come through. And the little girl saw the Light and broke down crying because it was so much more beautiful to have a small bit of that Light than to sit in the dark. Maintaining the walls cause energy to be squandered in a wrong fashion. Light changes that. It makes the walls seem thick and unnecessary, yet paper thin and destructible.

I swear, with His eternal strength, I will rip down these walls and surround myself with Light because that is my true calling. Amen to that.