Under African skies

As of the 18th (I think) of this month, I have been safe and sound in RSA and having quite a good time. (Don't worry, the weather here is not too hot, really - it ranges from bitter cold winds to hot sun seeing as we're on the Cape, and the winds come straight from the Antartic at times). We landed in the morning - it was so touching, my aunt was teary-eyed and full of joy at seeing us, along with my uncle and cousin, and even his partner - everyone came to see us off the plane! We made the drive back to Lakeside (near Zandvlei) and "suburb" of Cape Town proper, where my aunt and uncle live and settled in to life here.

I have to say, there was something just so awesome about landing here. I don't think I believed it, but there is something really African in me - I've been told that it's something in my blood that will never go away, and it just seemed so happy the minute I stepped onto African soil. Deon, my cousin's partner, swears that Africa knows - and being born here guarantees that I will have that pull forever...sigh...it's hard to explain, really, but I'm so glad to be here.

It's been a real treat getting to know my family, basically for the first time in my life. There have been lots of stories about life in Rhodesia (now Zimbabwe) where we are all from - stuff that I've never really heard about seeing as I've been in Canada for most of my life. We've visited Table Mountain, Kirstenbosch, Simon's Town, the Boulders (to see African penguins) and much more...so many pictures, so many stories. Tomorrow we're having a grand celebration to celebrate my 24th b-day, then Christmas (the first ever together) and Anniversaries. It's going to be great...

Time's running out...I'll add more when I can!

A long lost godfather...

It's been over a week, almost ten days since we've started this trip and we've packed in quite a few things. I'm surprised we got her without murdering each other seeing as an 8 hour plane ride, followed soon after by an 11 hour plane ride is enough to make anyone edgy. Needless to say, I bit my tongue on most of my drama queenish moments - not all, seeing as my CD player and my headphones both decided to break on the trip to RSA! grr!!! - and we made it safe and sound.

One of the highlights of the trip was me getting to meet my godfather, Tony, for the first time that I can remember. My parents last saw him about 24 years ago, just after my christening and just before they left for Canada. We met up with Tony, who consequently is an Anglican priest, in London, near Picadilly Circus while we had a twelve hour stop over between flights. It was just enough time to get in a little lunch and a look at the Edward Munsch (sp?) exhibit at the Royal Academy. Can you imagine I've got a godfather who loves movies like Sin City, but he is still someone who will do a High Church service every week? Very cool. One of the nicest parts was him letting me know he's been praying for me all these years, and well, that's just always nice to know, right?

The rest of the day was spent getting back to the airport so we could hop on the next part of the journey - not without having a break to buy some English Cadbury chocolates...mmm... All stress aside, we made it, and we were on the way again.

Internet, sweet Internet

Ok, so I'm officially rediculously a product of my environment - I can't help but admit that I've truly been missing the internet as of late. I mean, really, you're thinking, she's on vacation in Africa, it can't be a major thing, but all the same, the fact that I haven't been able to get online until now has actually driven me a little nuts. Yikes.

So, to all of you out there that have been checking this blog for info on my trip, I'm sorry you're not hearing from me until now. I only got online briefly yesterday for the first time and I just had time to write a few quick emails before having to rush off. Today I am slipping away to write this whilst my mom, aunt and sister are doing a few errands in the mall. So, I shall quit this message and try and write a few more installments about my trip with better titles.

Just know I miss you all, and I'm thinking of Canada, but I'm having a great time on the Western Cape, and I've got tons of pics to share when I get home! See you soon!

And I'm gone...

Leaving Toronto 19:55. British Airways, baby. Quite ironically out of Terminal 3, former home of Jets Go. ha!

I'll try and update this blog, but I don't know how often I will get the internet. For all of you out there, best wishes, God speed, and lots of hugs.

More thoughts on Degrassi

So, my roomie just got me the BEST early birthday present ever! Season three of DJH on DVD! I managed to get some more quality Degrassi in before I leave tonight! Sweet. It reminds me of something though...

So I realized the other day that I almost forgot to share one of the greatest Degrassi moments in my life. I had my very own Degrassi sighting. For real!

It all happened back when I was working for Jets Go. I was on one of my first flights, coming back from Vancouver, and who was sitting on my plane by Andy Chambers, the guy who played Luke Cassellis. We all remember him - he was the sports guy who in Degrassi High ended up giving Shane drugs and abandoned him while he was high. Then Shane had the "accident" and ended up with brain damage - very big deal!

Being a silly girl, I didn't ask him if he was on Degrassi, that would have just been going too far as a flight attendant. But all the same, it was him, I swear it!

Man and Wife

Last night the associate pastor at Freedomize married a very lovely woman. It was beautiful! Congratulations David and Jen McGhee!

Honestly, last night was a very moving night - it was hard to get too swept up, seeing as most of us were working hard serving and organizing food for the reception, but all the same I was glad to be there. I'm relatively new to Freedomize, and I know David as just a little bit more than an acquaintance, and Jen even less well - however, this doesn't stop me from knowing what an amazing blessing this marriage is for the both of them, and yeah, even for the rest of us. This marriage is full of life!

Just about two weeks ago, I was able to sit and listen to David speak about Jen and his upcoming marriage. It was so inspiring and so exquisite to just be in the presence of a man so completely in love, but so completely in Godly romantic love. He talked about the blessings that Jen brought to his life, and how grateful he was to know he was soon going to be calling her wife. He talked about the little joys, like her setting up their apartment while he was gone for two hours after they moved house. He talked about the fact that it felt right, and that there was even a spiritual connection that just seemed to highten intimate moments when they were together. He said "This relationship makes me feel alive!" And I thought to myself, "That must be true, because this relationship is making me feel full of life by just listening to you, David!"

In this world, I fear it's rare to have that kind of a relationship, not because God doesn't want it to happen, but because the world doesn't want it to happen. The lines of marriage are blurred and have a focus that tends towards a legal declaration of love rather than a joining of a man and woman in the blessing of God, the Father. (Don't get me wrong, these marriages are still very valid and full of love, but...)

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:12)

There is power in asking God to bless a union because if a relationship is meant to breathe life into you and your spouse, it HAS to come from God because God IS life.

Amen to that!

Just about prepared

So, I'm just about packed and ready to go. I managed to get a bunch of things I needed for travelling today - standard stuff, like travel shampoo bottles, etc and new make-up. Gotta have a fresh face for the world, right? It feels pretty good to have some stuff in my suitcase. I guess it makes it seem more real. I even had my last shift at the store before I go away today. One more thing done with for now. Tomorrow's the wedding, then one day to get the last minute prep done, and I'm gone...

Wow.

Even closer...

Sunday is creeping up - slowly but surely it is arriving, and I find myself slightly nervous and very excited. This time next week I will be in Cape Town, RSA. I keep thinking I know what to expect, but really I don't. It's going to be a long trip, but a very worthwhile one. Oh dear, I'm getting all fluttery thinking about it.

I've still got some last minute packing to finish, it's been kinda pushed aside for a few days, seeing as I'm helping out with my pastor's wedding this weekend. Wow, it's a busy time. Luckily I got Saturday off, so I can get everything done I need to before I go. Baby steps, and lots of planning...like laying stuff out on my floor! hehehe!

Sigh. I really need this vacation.

Wow, now THAT was a compliment!

I had a random thought today about true compliments - one's that just speak to your very soul, ones that just feel a little need you have, ones that just make you feel great. Recently, I recieved such a compliment from a friend. It was just really genuine and off-the-cuff but it was beautiful and it made me feel really good. (Thank you, person, if you know who you are!) I thought for a moment and realized that it was probably only the second compliment that I've recieved like that this year. And it made me cherish it all the more. The first compliment happened in March, again in a very random manner, but a person just turned to me and said something that made my very insides just feel sunnier. He didn't even know how much what he said had meant to me, and still might not know to this day. It was just something I needed to hear, and it built me up in a great way. Hmmm...there should be more encouragement like that.

Ever really think about these kind of moments? Challenge yourself for a second, just ask yourself when was the last time someone really genuinely made you feel good. Remember it, and never forget it. We can always use a reason to smile, right?

Happy Thanksgiving Canada!

For the second year in a row, I didn't make it home to visit my family for Thanksgiving. It's kinda sad, because for a long time (especially when I was at school) it was something I really looked forward to. But alas, as things worked out, I've had to work both last year and this year. In the end it's been good. Last year around this time I was going out to brunch with my ex Dan and his parents, this year I was offered at least two different turkey dinners. It's amazing what can happen in a year...

Today was a good day. I had some weird dreams last night, something to do with Germany, probably because I watched a German movie before bed and I have a new found bank of German friends. Very strange. I awoke, was running late, but made it to work. For the third day in a row, it was just me and Kaleena on at the store, and it was pretty chill. We had a fairly steady flow considering it was Thanksgiving Monday, and we still managed to beat our goal in sales for the day. I mean, I managed to sell 6 watches - that's almost ridiculous based on the aforementioned holiday. Heck ya!

Then I went and had a great meal of turkey and veggies at my friend Rachel's. This girl is amazing - I have never met a better organizer and more practical girl than her. She's fantastic. I mean, she's the only person that just about rivals my sister in whom I find great and sensible advice about 95% of the time. (That's saying a lot, 'cause I really love and respect my sister, and hold her opinions in very high esteem). But back to the dinner - dessert was pumpkin and white chocolate tart topped with marzipan pumpkins. Wow. It was nice to just be somewhere to have someone take care of you, with good conversation. If you can't be with your immediate family, it's good to have a very amazing replacement family. Sigh.

Tonight was bonding time with Nick - it might just be that he is switching over from WWE RAW to UFC (Ultimate Fighter Challenge), so tonight I sat down to watch some of the fights. It's true, it's very exciting compared to the sheer contrivance that is professional wrestling at times. Maybe Monday night will be forever changed at the Harem House!

Anyway - today was a good day friends. I hope yours was too. Full of fall leaves, pumpkin pies, and good friends and family. Blessings!

Love for the ladies of #3.

Picture for no reason.

Excuse me, didn't you go to Queen's?

Today was a super Queen's hook-up kind of day. Seriously. It's sometimes ridiculous how many Queen's alumni (even current students) that are walking around Toronto!

For example, today, in my store, I not only had one, but no, two people from Queen's walk in, both of which I knew! The first was a lovely lad named Peter with whom I worked at Walkhome in first year (that being 99-00). He came in to get his sister's watch repaired and we had a moment to catch up. About an hour later, another girl came in to the store who looked very familiar. I asked, "Didn't you go to Queen's?" and she said "Yes!". We did the intros, and tried to figure out why each of us looked familiar to the other. I finally made the connection - she lived upstairs from me in Adelaide Hall in first year. Holy crap.

The best part is that this happens all the time. Last night on the subway to St. Clair West, a boy got on and he was from Queen's I'm sure of it. I didn't know him, but I'm pretty damn sure he was in science with me. Last week on my way to visit my friend Michelle, a fellow Queen's Alum, I was in College station, and TWO Queen's grads that I knew walked by me. Two days ago my friend Chris Rapson walked past my store on Queen West. The connections are endless. We always said it was two degrees of separation at school, now it's leaking into life in Toronto! Ha!

Ironically, tonight I went out with Queen's friends, three of which are in a Masters program at U of T, all from different years, and the people we know are interchangeable. Funny. It's just funny. I guess there nothing else to say but...

OOOOHHH!!!!

Oil thigh na Banrighinn a'Banrighinn gu brath!
(Do the) Oil thigh na Banrighinn a'Banrighinn gu brath!
Oil thigh na Banrighinn a'Banrighinn gu brath!
Cha Cheil, Cha Cheil, Cha Cheil!

C'mon give us a try at Degrassi Junior High!

Everyone has a weakness, everyone has a guilty pleasure. For me, it's Degrassi. The ORIGINAL Degrassi (like most purists, I have a small issue with The Next Generation). Now they are coming out with Degrassi on DVD. I am now the proud owner of both Season 1 and Season 2 of Degrassi Junior High! Yay!

Ok, so why do I love Degrassi? There is just something beautifully charming about it. None of acting is spectacular, the clothes are so funny, and some of the characters are darn near annoying (who doesn't Kathleen irk?!?), yet I love it. I started watching it years ago, not even much when it first came out I don't think, mostly after school when it was being re-run. I just got into the stories. Being a pop culture junkie, I just ate up this little piece of Canadian work. I became a Degrassi fan.

I mean, afterall, there is a lot of meat in these stories. Imagine writing about teen pregnancy, wet dreams, divorce, alcoholic parents, shoplifting, inappropriate approaches by adults towards kids, depression, and more in just the first two seasons of Junior High! There is something very honest and direct in the work that Kit Hood and Linda Schuyler did for teens in the late 80's early 90's. They weren't afraid to talk about the issues or even have moments that were a little contrived at times so that kids would have something to talk about with their parents. I mean, really, Degrassi talks (pun FULLY intended).

The staying power for me, and I think for some of my fellow fans, is the utter campiness of the show, and the endearing qualities of the characters. Like any good show, you begin to feel that you know who they are. Joey Jeremiah will always be at my service, and Caitlin will always be fighting for the cause of the week. Another good challenge is testing my skills at how much I actually remember about the characters! These trivia are just off the top of my head:

• What kinda of car did Clutch drive? (Trans Am, but this might be wrong)
• What was Spike's real name (Christine Nelson)
• What does Lucy try convince Voula to steal? (A sweater)
• What does she get caught for shoplifting? (A scarf)
• What is LD's first name? (Lorraine)
• What happens to Wheel's parents before he moves in with his grandparents? (They die in a car accident)
• What nickname did Joey give Michelle? (Mouse)
• What did Claude send to Caitlin right before he killed himself? (Roses)

Hmm...if you like this trivia stuff, check out more on the Degrassi Online website. There is even a list from the Queen's University Degrassi Club - a club that I was a member of - and that yes, really exits.

Actually, to tell you the truth, I love that club, and still have stuff from it - a sweatshirt that says "Zit Remedy Road Crew" and a mug that says "Everybody wants something". We are crazy bunch at Queen's, and some friends of mine started The QUDC, and it was so great. We would meet on Monday evenings, watch episodes of Degrassi (usually a Junior High one then a High) then we would talk about them. We had a great Family Feud kinda thing based on the top answers on a survey done in the club. We had trivia. We even had guest speakers - one of which was a Queen's film professor Clarke Mackey who directed a few episodes. Oh can we ever handle the Degrassi goodness!

The crowing success would have to be our Degrassi party though, we all got assigned characters, and we had to show up fully in character for the party. It was sooo much fun. You can see the pics on the website, but I've got a couple of my favs to add here. They feature me as Stephanie Kaye (I did everyone proud, came dressed as a prep and changed when I got there), my friend Neilson at Derek Wheeler a.k.a. Wheels, my friend Eric at Joey Jeremiah, and my friend Mark as Archie Simpson a.k.a. Snake.

Aren't we just so cute?

For my friend Jen

Here are just a few great Simpson's quotes:

Moe: I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff.

Kent Brockman: ... and the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night.

Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Homer: You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.

(This one reminded me of you! ha!)
Lisa: Do we have any food that wasn't brutally slaughtered?
Homer: Well, I think the veal died of loneliness.

(And one of my ALL TIME FAVS!)
Homer: The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!

A jaded heart

Today I had a moment that made me stop and think. And with the risk of making myself sound somewhat self-centred, I'm going to write about it to state my point.

This afternoon I went to the bank and I was casually waiting in line. I kept noticing that the gentleman next to be kept staring. In my rather cranky mood, all I could think of was "Great, what is he staring at? It will just really tick me off if he's checking me out!" The more I felt he was staring, the more pissed I got. Later he even took a minute to lean over and as what my tattoo meant, and he smiled. Innocent, right? Not to me at that moment. I just made me angry. It reminds me of another time when two guys on a subway were looking at me, and interestingly enough, asked about my tattoo. That pissed me off too.

The tough question is "Why?"

I think it's just the product of a jaded heart. I'm really not trying to say that I'm special, but I, like most women, have experienced the sense of being objectified by men. It's harsh, in those moments, the compliments that you hear are so much more destructive than they are constructive. The reason? They smack of insincerity. I know for me personally, I find myself building up a wall against comments, and it's really tough and it leaves me almost unable to accept a compliment. Yes, there are insecurities that cause me to question them too, but mostly I find I'm just sick of hearing about my body, my face, and to some extent my personality. How many people's actions towards me have been shaped because they find me attractive? (And come to think of it, how have I been unfair because I've found someone else attractive?)

My fear is that my heart will become so jaded about this one small thing, and this will bleed into all my relationships, and I will eventually close my heart. As a matter of fact, I am actually becoming more and more aware about how it really has already seeped unconciously into my friendships. I have to constanstly check myself because I find myself not trusting what people say because of how I feel they percieve me. Then up comes the wall, and I want to shut away the real me, the vulnerable me because if they can seem insincere when it comes to talking to me on just a small basic level, what would stop them from being fake when it comes to discussing something that is very intrinsic to me? Vulnerabilty is ok, but opening yourself up to someone in falseness just careless...

I know somewhere in my heart of hearts, the place wherein lies hope and faith, there are people who truly do mean what they say and who really care. I just hope I will learn to discern which is which, sooner rather than later. Heaven knows it will make things much easier!

In Christ alone...

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
'Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

Sometimes I find myself having a bad day, and I just suddenly start singing this melody. Today I think of it because recent events have left me feeling rather drained in some senses, and in these times I often get self-destructive and selfish among other things. I forget that God has created me in a very special way, and that I have many gifts...rather I let the world get me down and its foolish.

"By the grace of God, I am what I am" (1 Corinthians 15:10).

So, right now I decide to stop, and I remember the conviction who once told me "Felicity, it's only in Jesus that you will find your true self - so look there for yourself". Amen to that. I want to be me, and in Christ alone, that is found.

Fool me once...

Someone once said:
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Truth be told, I'm feeling a little ashamed right now. Once again I have fooled myself into thinking something was more than it really was, and I feel stupid. Ugh. Maybe this isn't even the real case, but I definately felt that it was this evening, and I can help but just feel ill used. Ugh again.

Maybe it's a step up to at least be willing to admit that I was fooled. Right?

Two weeks, officially.

So, it's now official. In exactly 2 weeks time, I will be enroute to London then passing on to Cape Town, RSA. I can't believe it's coming so close, and part of it still doesn't seem real. I am going to Africa. I am going to see and be able to converse in person with my aunt and uncle for only the second time in my life. Wow. It's surreal.

I have spent most of my life communicating with my relatives in brief conversation over the phone at Christmas for as long as I can remember. Our Christmas tradition will always remain the same - get up at the crack of dawn (before 7 am) and call Africa. It's brief snippets of conversation as the phone is passed from family member to family member on both ends of the line. Small little pieces of conversation that can never really convey what has been going on in life of someone else so far away for an entire year. It was so much harder years ago, email and direct connections over the phone have simplified things, but all the same, it's not quite personal.

But there was a brief time, when I was just the age of seven, I spent some time in person. It's hard to remember all the details and events with the same vividness that I can remember last week, but it was good. There were stories from my grandmother, and small gifts from my aunts. There were geckos on the ceilings, and lucky beans to be found. There were Zulu dancers, crocodile farms and Zimbabwe ruins. There were friends, there were relatives, there were strangers. It all just sort of melds together...

Now, life has presented my family with another sweet encounter together. Sadly, some of the family is gone, passed away since the last visit, but they shall be remembered. But somehow there is the hope that these newer memories will last all the longer, and the bonds will be tighter, and the situation will just be good. And that is my hope, my dream, my expectation...