Sometimes you need to find a weekend Barbie

So, this was an ok weekend - I've been realizing lately that I need more time to just me than I've been taking and this weekend I managed to get a little "me" time. I've gone through a few up and downs and I'm not quite sure, but I think I'm coming out on top tonight, though still feeling a little bruised. I've been pondering a lot lately about things that I should be doing, and as my friend Karl pointed out on Friday - maybe thinking too much isn't a good thing. In the case of the last little while, seeing as more often than not my true searching has been getting truncated, I'm finding myself inclined to agree. I've been too focused on my inabilities to do certain things and my inability to understand my steps that I've put myself into a self-depricating cycle - and well, that's just crappy.

In fact, I was really cranky all day yesterday. Interestingly enough, I came to a realization. I am angry right now. I'm angry at my job, at people, at my own claustrophobic position in life and my willingness to take a stand-still position. I'm angry at my jealously of those pursuing their dreams. I'm angry at my pent up feelings. I'm angry at my thoughts. I'm angry - and it's making me tired.

It's poisonous.

Luckily, yesterday I was totally blessed with a random visit from my friend Ryan - he came downtown to see the Jays and we ended up having a really good long talk - our first outside of work, actually. It was awesome. We talked about a lot of things, and he listened to me flushing out my anger. But what was particularly wonderful was his outstanding ability to be really uplifting. This is a genuine, loving and caring individual. He's young, but he's got a really good head on his shoulders already and I'm glad to be able to call him friend. Really. It was an invaluable moment in my weekend. It was just the breath of fresh air I needed. Something that took me out of the motions and mixed two different worlds. Plus, he spoke some really good words of wisdom that I might just have to think about. Especially his encouragement to stop thinking so much about my own tasks, and start focusing on the world outside - something that I think is a VERY important next steps for myself and many others that I know.

Ry, thank you, and I see the wooden horse will come and when it does, you'll be the first to know.