Sometimes it's just weird to go out and do "normal" activities with the church fam. The whole dance club experience is super different. Normally, the whole clubbing context is generally sexualized and surrounded in a flood of alcohol (at it's worst mind you) but that element isn't a focus in the least when you're out with Christian friends. In fact, it's liberating to some extent because you know you don't have to worry about people trying to hassle you or hit on you, and it's nice. But at the same time it can be awkward depending on you own motivations for the evening...
For example, this evening, I felt good. I had on one of my "fun fashion" outfits on (see right) - i.e. an outfit that I had put a little thought into that is a little more funky - and there was a part of me that wanted the guys at the club to appreciate me for that, and my assets. In the back of my head, there was this small, self-serving voice that was saying "I look good tonight, I could totally make a good impression on a boy if I wanted to".
The other voice was thinking "Do you really want that to be a basis for meeting your husband, 'cause that's what you really want, right?" It's a tricky push/pull that one...In the end, I don't think I really want either, I just want to be appreciate for who I am, and be ready to accept meeting the right person when the time comes. And that probably won't be at a club, and it may not even be at FT, I don't know. I'll have to wait and see.I just makes me think about the fine balance between our own small inner voices and the still small voice that is meant to lead us onward. Vanity vs Victory. Which will win the next battle?
1 comment:
I know I'm not a HOT boy (or a boy in general), but Felicity, I thought your funky outfit looked rockin.
You got it goin on sistah
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