I hate myself and want to die...

...is the name of the book my aunt sent to me this Christmas. It's a very witty book all about the author, Tom Reynolds, voted 52 most depressing songs you've ever heard (in fact, that's the second part of the title). The minute I saw the book, I began to chuckle. It's got the saddest looking moth eaten bunny on the cover, and well, if anything it's an interesting title. Then I started reading. Ha!

This book is irresistable when it comes to wanting to read it out loud. Really. I was reading entire chapters to Mum and Wends, and I could barely finish sentences because of laughter. It's the kinda book where you want to quote whole passages because it's just that damn funny. For instance:
"...in order for critics to take you seriously, you had to follow a specific formula:
1. write a song with really depressing lyrics.
2. sing it with a shitty voice."

And that's just in the intro.

Basically, Reynolds breaks up his songs into categories such as:

• I Hate Myself and Want to Die - "self-pitying songs in which the singer is under the delusion that his or her personal problems are of great interest to everyone"
• She Hates Me, I Hate Her - "a couple's crumbling relationship is put to music, then dumped on listeners, who are expected to act as unpaid therapists"
• I Mope, Therefore I Am - a hall of fame of "songs by artists who've built their entire careers out of bumming the shit out of everyone"
• Perfect Storms - "the absolute most depressing"; songs of "Live Wolverine Shoved Down my Pants proportions"

If you get a chance, pick up a copy. Trust me, it's worth it.

Merry Christmas sans mices...

It has been a little while since I've written last on my blog. I've been keeping busy with work and play, mostly work, but that's ok. Off work time has been mainly involving watching movies and wrapping prezzies so I would be ready for today (and she done good!)

However, there are a few highlights worth mentioning from the play side of things. The first was a evening of bands with my friend Shawn - we went to Supermarket to see a variety of bands, but mainly The Postage Stamps. The sound was great, though some of the bands weren't really quite as prepared as they could be. All the same, it was fun to see some new bands. We were pleasantly surprised by a band called The Rest, so much so that we bought the CD. I really enjoy it. I'm really glad I went - I just felt really bad I couldn't pay more attention to the Stamps though - by the time they came on it was almost 1 am, and we were tuckered out. Next time I promise to do better.

Secondly, I got to see Handel's Messiah with FT again. This year it was especially cool because it was actually a different Messiah - yep, it was Mozart's arrangement of Handel's Messiah. Very cool. Apparently, it was very common for people to comission other artists to revamp another composer's work to suit a different audience and what we heard was the product. It's very similar, but more upbeat and it has a lot more choral parts which I, of course, am a big fan off. There were quite a few recognizable "Mozart moments" that I noticed, as it tended to follow a similar style to Mozart's Missa Brevis that I used to sing with my choir in Kingston at Easter. Also, it was kinda neat because a girl I know from Queen's was in the choir, and I could spot her. Maybe next year I should join! :) After the show we all went to Marche and ate food - it was great to sit with Robby J, Sue and Lisa again and to drink Manhattan. It was a NYC moment. Loved it all.

That Sunday, the 17th, was also a special FT celebration. We had a Love Feast. This is something that was done for years, but hasn't happened in a while. Essentially, it's a big feast where all the LRs create a plate of food and we all serve each other. We were even lucky enough this year to share the experience with Grace Church Toronto, as we used their new space. It was very cool. Lots of good food, and all three pastors prepared a little mini-sermon and it was just in the right vein for Christmas. I'm really glad this happened and it worked so well.

That night, however, I did have a small adventure in my own house. I was woken up at 3:30am by scrabbling noises. Now, I live alone, so noises of this sort are all the more frustrating and bothersome. So I get up. Turn out the mice I though that I had gotten rid of have found the food outside my cupboard and were chowing down near my kitchen door. YUCK! In fact, they were so enjoying themselves that were looking straight at me. They finally scampered away, and I set to the task of cleaning up mice poo and half-eaten pasta. Then I set out poison. About 30 min later I hopped back into bed with a chance of two more hours of sleep. But it goes without saying that I couldn't fall asleep again. Sigh...but at least the mice were gone....right? Nope. Turn out they hit up my counter next because I'd left a couple of dirty pots there. Crap. Literally. But at least I didn't discover this until the next day...I guess. Moral of the story: never again will there be a dirty dish left on my counter!

Last week was pretty good. I got to spend two days hanging out with MB at work which was nice, as I very rarely get to see him. We chatted about a few different things, and we had lunch together. Very cool guy. On Thursday, I got to Ryan and Kevin together - we went to see The Primordials, Shawn's band, play at the Boat in Kensington. Very fun. Even rappa-loving-brotha Ry got to dancing. :) Friday night was spent in Oshawa with my girls, and Saturday I came to KW on the train. Serendipitously, I ended up having my friend Michelle who I have been trying to catch up with for months sit next to me, so we had a nice hour long chat. Very cool girl.

The rest of the week is Christmas. It's been good. It's nice to see family and to have some traditions, seeing as there has been a lot of change in my life as of late. The only downer is that Mum and Wends have been really sick, and now Dad's getting a scratchy throat. That is one thing I do not want this Christmas...so, here's hoping to staying well.

Oh, and Merry Christmas!

Now, I must depart, White Christmas is on TV, and well, it's just not Christmas until I've watched a few of my fav numbers.

God bless everyone!

On fasting

Today I am fasting. Last Sunday, David gave and FT wide call to fast today as a sign of recommiting to God. Love the idea. The practical aspects, not so much.

This is only my second fast ever - the first I did right before my baptism. It was no fun, and it was a bad day in general. I didn't know what to expect, and well, I was a little let down, I think. I had always believed that in fasting I would have some sort of amazing experience where I could feel God near me. I though my life would be changed forever. I thought it was going to be more than in was. In fact, really, I was just hungry, dizzy and cranky.

Maybe that's a part of it. You have to be cranky and feel awful because the task is crappy. It's not meant to feel good, but rather show how much nicer it is when you do have the ability to eat. Today I don't feel nearly as bad as I could though. I'm surviving on nothing but water, and I feel prepared to do this.

Yes, I may complain a little, but it's just another moment to lay my life down and confirm - Yes, man does not live on bread alone.

On Christ the Lord Out of Egypt

I just finished reading an interesting book called Christ the Lord Out of Egypt by Anne Rice. This is her first book since coming back to Christianity and well, it's a very captivating story. She's an incredibly smart and well researched author. I liked the book, but I expected to as I am a fan of her writing.

What I wasn't expecting, however, was the impact that her afterword had on me. Wow. It makes the whole thing worth reading. In fact, it some of the most well written thoughts on faith and the Gospels that I've read in a long time. I've decided to share some of my favourite parts:

What gradually came clear to me was that many of the skeptical arguments -- arguments that insisted most of the Gospels were suspect, for instance, or written too late to be eyewitness accounts -- lacked coherence. They were not elegant. Arguments about Jesus himself were full of conjecture. Some books were not more than assumptions piled upon assumptions. Absurd conclusions were reached on the basis of little or no data at all.

In sum, the whole case for the nondivine Jesus who stumbled into Jerusalem and somehow got crucified and had nothing to do with the founding of Christianity and would be horrified by it if he knew about it -- that whole pciture which floated in the liberal circles I frequented for thirty years-- that case was not made. Not only was it not made, I discovered in this field some of the worst and most biased scholarship I'd ever read.

I saw almost no skeptical scholarship that was convincing, and the Gospels, shredded by critics, lost all intensity when reconstructed by various theorists. They were in no way compelling when treated as composites and records of later "communities".

I was unconvinced by the wild postulations of those who claimed to be children of Enlightenment. And I had also sensed something else. Many of these scholars, scholars who apparently devoted their life to New Testament scholarship, disliked Jesus Christ. Some pitied him as a helpless failure. Other sneered at him, and some felt an outright contempt. This came between the lines of the books. This emerged in the personality of the texts.

I'd never come across this kind of emotion in any other field of research, at least not to this extent. It was puzzling.

The people who go into Elizabethan studies don't seek out to prove that Queen Elizabeth I was a fool. They don't personally dislike her. They don't make snickering remarks about her, or spend their careers trying to pick apart her historical reputation. They approach her in other ways. They don't even apply this sort of dislike or suspicion or contempt to other Elizabethan figures. If they do, the person is usually not the focus of the study. Occasionally a scholar studies a villain, yes. But even then, the author generally ends up arguing for the good points of a villain or for his or her place in history, or for some mitigating circumstance, that redeems the study itself. People studying disasters in history may be highly critical of the rulers or the milieu at the time, yes. But in general scholars don't spend their lives in the company of historical figures whom they openly despise.

But there are New Testament scholars who detest and despise Jesus Christ.

[...]

Now somewhere during my journey through all of this, as I became disillusioned with the skeptics and with the flimsy evidence for their conclusions, I realized something about my book.

It was this. The challenge was to write about the Jesus of the Gospels, of course!

Anybody could write about a liberal Jesus, a married Jesus, a gay Jesus, a Jesus who was a rebel. The "Quest for the Historical Jesus" had become a joke because of all the many definitions it has ascribed to jesus.

The true challenge was to take the Jesus of the Gospels, the Gospels which were becoming ever more coherent to me , the Gospels, which appealed to me as elegant first-person witness, dictated to scribes no doubt, but definately early, the Gospels produced before Jerusalem fell-- to take the Jesus of the Gospels, and try to get inside of him and imagine what he felt.

- written by Anne Rice, February 24, 2005

I got a new "job" today

This evening I went to what I thought was an interview about doing props for a children's theatre group. Interestingly enough it was more along the lines of "Yes, you're in, we need you, what can you make with this said prop?"

Random. Guess I'm making something fun over Christmas.

Kindred sillies

Over the last little while, I've begun to realize just how much I value my friends. I went through a shitty little phase in the summer/fall and I was having a hard time with friendships in general. And well, I feel like that hurt is moving into something new and exciting...something that will teach me to be a better friends. That's exciting. I'm glad of it.

But I do have to say, it's nice that friends don't give up on you. I like having what Anne Shirley would call kindred spirits to share you life with. Or as I like to put it "kindred sillies" - people who love you no matter how silly you are.

Thanks sillies.

Holiday sweaters

It's been ages, and I've been busy, so excuse the neglecto-blogger once more...

Last Friday, I got invited to one of my favourite things - A THEME PARTY! Woo(t)! Yes, all it was a holiday sweater party. The object of it was to find a hideous holiday sweater, embrace it, and where it. So fun! I got the invite mid-afternoon on Friday, roped in a partner in crime (Eee) and then went to the Sally Anne to get my outfitted. I managed to find a few really great things.

The first was a very awesome light up Christmas tie. Yes, it also play Christmas music. It outfitted Enoch's man vest. I also got a fun gold sweater I would actually wear. Then I got a kids Christmas t-shirt. I would also wear this. And last but not least the hideous sweater. A giant blue frilly/mohair sweater that's out of the 80's. Something borederline ('cause all girls know the object is to be outfitted for the party, yet cute at the same time). It was great. Mostly because my outfits started to outfit half the party, and also because they were useful in the small photo shoot I did to my friend Mae before I went.

Either way, the evening was a success. I had the most fun I've had in a while, and I cherish the memories.

In fact, it's pulling me through another long week of work.

I can't wait 'till Christmas.