Sometimes good, sometimes bad.

Life presents itself with interesting situations at times, and sometimes I wonder whether we just choose to make more complications out of it just because it is possible. Coming from a "drama queen", this is probably quite truthful.

Lately, my life has just wanted to become more complicated, and I don't know what to do about it all. I just so unsure and confused as to what my choices should be so that they are choices that won't step on other people's lives. Ever get into that kind of situation?

For example, person A wants to have chocolate ice cream and person B does too. There is only one tub of ice cream. Now person A and person B are good friends, and person A knows that person B has constant cravings for chocolate, but wants to help person B with the cravings so that they don't get worse. Now person B knows that they want chocolate, and they are seeing this as a situation where chocolate won't be so bad to have, but is cautious. Person A also is trying to figure out what taste they have for chocolate, and is trying to be considerate to person B, but also wants to see how much they like chocolate. Person B is trying to be considerate of person A's need to understand how much they like chocolate. It's just a constant back and forth - it's just one little tub of chocolate ice cream, is it something that is necessary to fight over? But of course it's a great quality chocolate, so neither person A nor person B want to lose a claim on the tub of ice cream. But again, is the chocolate good enough to replace a friend if it comes down to it? And should the situation escalate to the point where that choice has to be made? And can the situation escalate just because it's not the first time this struggle has happened?

I'm just rambling, really.

This past year, I've learned a lot about friendships, and I've been trying hard to open my eyes to ways in which I have been selfish in the past. I still screw up, I still make mistakes. At least I'm a heck of a lot more aware of my faults then when I stepped on to the Toronto scene last September. I've met so many beautiful people here, and I've become a part of a community that has meant the world to me. For some of the first times in my life, I've been called on tough things, purely out of love, so that I can work on my hurts and my own issues - and all within a Godly way (and for those of you who know me, you know this is super important to me!)

Last fall, I lost the friendship of a lifetime for a little while. I was stupid, and selfish for probably the zillionth time, and it took a toll. It took losing that frienship for me to truly evaluate what it had meant to me. It was tough - it's really hard to learn that you've been loving someone the wrong way for almost 7 years. It was a reality check. But something helped me realize that I have the potential to love that person in the right way:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps not records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always potects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres". (1 Corinthians 13: 4-6)

And although the friendship is still coming back on track every new day, I feel it getting better, well, because there is hope. There is always hope. And faith. Maybe sometimes that's all you have, but at least you have that.

I guess that's almost my answer, ice cream comes and goes, person A and person B will come and go, and friends will come and go. At least through it all we should be able to say that we LOVED, truly loved them all.