Feeling closed in!

I feel like I'm getting a little stir crazy - I've been in the house since yesterday and have been working hard on school work. I'm just feeling really insane today.

I want to get out but yet I feel like I've got so much work to do. Yikes! I don't know. Baby steps I guess.

Shopping victoriously!

Yessss!

Yesterday I totally scored one on e-bay!

I've been looking to find a fun pencil skirt that's a modern take-off of the traditional pin-up style. You know the sort of high-waisted totally awesome Rockabilly kinda skirt. I've found a few that I've liked, only bid on one, and loss - until yesterday. I just decided to go for it on this skirt I saw. And I won!

Check out how cute this one of a kind skirt is:

I'm a terrible correspondent!

I've been thinking a lot lately about just how bad of a correspondent (and possibly long term friend) I am.

Let me explain what I mean.

I am a person who loves to meet new people and to forge new friendships.  Trouble is, I'm really bad a staying in touch with people when they aren't in my immediate circle.  For example, my good friends from Jets Go, who I no longer see on an almost daily basis, don't get nearly as many emails and correspondence from me as they should.  Why?  I'm not sure.  I think it's because I get very wrapped up in my immediate circumstances that I forget to send all the emails that I've intented.  Hating talking on the phone at length is also an issue.  I just can't pull off long hour long coversations over the phone like I used to in high school.  I mean, it does happen every now and then, but it's rare.

I ponder about this - mostly because these days I feel like I'm even struggling to keep up with friends in current life circle.  Life has changed a lot.  I planned a wedding, got married and changed where I live.  I've also undertaking 3 university courses that have to be done in a very short amount of time.  I don't have time for my husband, let alone for me and let alone for my friends.  And this bothers me.  

I know, I know.  Most people say "Forget about it!"  and "If they're your real friends, they'll understand".  But how long can I expect them to understand without sending out a little love?  One-sided relationships suck.  For serious.  

I guess I ponder about it because I don't want to be selfish.  I don't want to feel like my friends have to continue to care about me and love me when I'm not doing all in my power to love them.  But then again, right now, all that's in my power is the ability to say "I love you, and still care, I just need to get this shit done first".  

I'm torn.

Girlicious

No lies. I'm addicted. I totally am.

Every Tuesday night, the books go away, and I just need to watch Girlicious. Seriously! I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the fact that it meets my subtle girl fight watch a train wreck kinda need.

Anyway. Tonight's episode was crazy. Things were off all across the board. Whether it was Natalie storming out on Ken Hicks or Charlye's emotional phone-related freak out, it made me question who's got the overall chops to be the next almost-but-not-quite cookie cutter girl group.

My current guess for the finalists?

I say Tiffanie, Nichole and maybe Charlye.

I'll keep you posted.

What's in a name?

The wedding plans are coming along - we get married in just under two months, and I find myself relatively calm. M and I have our moments of freaking out, but overall, we're getting everything sorted. For me though, I've got one other thing I need to work through: changing the name.

I don't think as a little girl, or even a year ago, I could comprehend what it means to say you're going to take on the name of the man you are to wed. It's not a new concept, and it's not even a strange one. In fact, it's a tradition I kinda like and have never had the intention to go against. But now that's it coming down to crunch time, I find it's making me jittery and I'm getting a strange case of cold feet.

And the worst part is - I'm not sure why! Obviously, it's a HUGE change. I won't be "me" anymore - but I'll be something new, something different - a new covenant. And that's sooo awesome. But still, I'm finding it hard to look at my name - the name that I have come to know and love for 26 years, and I think "I won't be that anymore!"

Girls out there - how have you deal with these mixed feelings? Seriously. (This is of course going on the asumption I still have readers - it has been AGES!)

I'd love to get some feedback!

Two minus one

M left for Romania on Friday. I'm really excited for him - he's getting a chance to do some good in the world, but I've gotta admit, it's strange going about the day to day without him. I now understand what he was talking about when I went to Germany sans him. It's like you get a glimpse of what life was like before having that other person around - and well, I too, don't like it. Not at all.

In fact, it's got me pondering again about where I was this time last year. In the midst of cracking into little pieces. I was starting to deal with painful issues that were bubbling to the surface and I was wanting so badly to not hurt anymore. I also wanted so badly to have what I have now with M. But a skewed perception of it, really. I wanted so badly to have a life that was exciting and lovely, and I wanted to have someone to share it with. But I didn't see that my way of pursuing it was all wrong. I was running after the type of affection that I thought would be true love, love that I saw my other friends find. And I began to dispear and think that it was never possible for me. Ever.

Imagine now what it's like to have love, true love, land in your lap. Truly amazing. I didn't excpect it. In fact, I downright pushed it away. But God's got a funny way of turning things around. And I truly hold Him accountable. But I won't go into all the gushy details. All I know is that I feel like something is missing.

M, come home soon! I love you!

Ode to Mellow Cat

Mellow Cat,

If you're out there and still reading my blog - this is for you.

I miss you, friend. It's not the same without you around all the time. I really wish we lived in the same city where we can actually talk or hang out. The dynamic at our old hang out has changed so much, and you, my friend and ray of sunshine, are no longer around to make things better.

I hope all is well - please let me know how're you doing.

Love,

Felicity Jane

I'm convinced Google is taking over the world

Recently, I set myself up with even more Google related accessories. Along with my gmail and blogger, and my frequent use of YouTube, I find myself also frequently my iGoogle page (kinda like a dashboard from Mac OSX but online) and my Google calendar. Quite frankly, it's a little silly. I guess I'm just pumping even more money into their corporation.

;)

Once again bitten by the Fluevog bug

Yesterday was a bit of an adventure. I convinced M to come long to the Fluevog store on Queen West with me. I was going in the hopes of finding a shoe called Ruby that I really was eyeing to get as wedding shoes. They're great shoes - and they're on sale. For really one sale. Like crazy discount on sale because Fluevogs can run super high in cost. I'd been eyeing then online for about a month. And yesterday was the day to do something about it. And it was all good...until...well, yep - I waited too long. They didn't have my size in stock. I'm so sad!

Luckily, they had other cute shoes on sale too. So I got another cute pair called Sally Jane. I figure with a second name like that, they've gotta be good. Right? What do you think?

Sneak-tastic!

Ok everyone - I may have hope to bringing my blogging life back on track! I have figured out a way to access my account during the day when I couldn't before! Yay! This means all the wonderful posts that I had in my head for so long might actually get written.

Sweet.

Super out of practice

It's been ages again. I don't why I got out of the habit of blogging, it used to be a huge joy - but alas, too much has been happening in my life I guess. Not only have I been doing shows, but I've been falling in love and well....GETTING ENGAGED!

Yes folks! As of July 5th, 2007 I am officially taken and set to marry M. I'm so happy - and a little stressed. We're planning on getting married in January, so it put things into perspective. I can't wait to start this new life. It's kinda crazy, but only that way because it doesn't seem crazy at all. And when put in to perspective with all the moaning and crap I was thinking and feeling this time last year, I've come a long way. God's done a lot of work, and he's sent me an amzing man who loves me for who I am, and what I am. And best of all he knows about God too! Seriously. It's a blessing. A truly amazing blessing.

Amen to that!

Countdown to Harry Potter

Ok - there are days to go - yes, it's almost time! Harry Potter is almost here! Twofold! Can you believe it? I can't! I'm so excited about the book/movie coming out that I've re-read all of the past books and I'm working my way through the past films in preparation. I've even gone as far as reading just about everything on J.K. Rowling's official website, searching Wiki for details, and reading up on discussions held on fan sites. I am so prepared and so excited. I can barely contain it all. Really. I'm going to sit and read my book - just that one book - until it's done. Done. Done.

WOOO!

And so in honour of me being slightly obsessed, check out my new widget.

A good dose of bad medicine

So, it's over and done with. Grey's Entourage has hit the stage, left a few splinters and decended into a memory of singing, dancing and drunken debauchery. All I can say is that it was a blast. Truly. I got to work with some fantastic people who brought their shit night after night to make this a revolutionary show! And the production team was so awesome - we did all we could to think outside of the Players formula and we learned a lot! I am so proud of everyone!

And on top of that we broke some serious records:
1. The most auditions to sign up for any QPT show - EVER! All 2 weeks before hand!
2. We sold out the show entirely in record time - 10 days before the show even started!
3. We had a record challenging raffle with everything from chocolate to airmiles.

Seriously. This was so awesome.

Seriously.

A thoughtful post

So, It's been ages since I've written on my blog. To tell you the truth, I've thought about it tons of times, but I just haven't felt the motivation to get to writing. It doesn't help that I've been super busy (directing a show, travelling to Germany, and the like). Plus it's summer - it's nice outside, and I don't want to spend my nice sunny evenings squandering my hours on my computer. Really.

But I also have to admit, I've had the blahs as well. I've been totally stressed out and maxed out these days. It's like I never have time to relax. I run from work to event to event to sleep to work to event to sleep to work to event...I'm sure you get the picture. It really does take a toll. So often, people who are like me don't take the time to take care of ourselves. We go, go, go until we just can't handle it anymore. Then we collapse, recover slightly and then start to fill lives up all over again. And it's just tiring.

I know I'm not one to criticize anyone for this approach in life. Heaven knows I'm much happier when I'm going full tilt rather than sitting twiddling my thumbs. In fact, I detest being idle. It makes me feel lazy and unmotivated. And that's dangerous. Really. Once that feeling is triggered, I start to decend into feeling resentfulness for not having enough to do - especially at work or with organizations where I want to help out. Kinda silly, but still it happens. On the other hand, if I get too busy and take on too much, this lack of a break pushes me into feeling misunderstood and unappreciated if I feel that others aren't at the very least validating what I'm doing and if they don't do as much as me. Clearly I am a drama queen.

But the question is - why? Why does it have to feel this way? I'm beginning to think it is because I've got my motivations all mixed up. I want to help people and feel useful for recognition, for validation, and that's just not what life is all about. It's about finding a balance, centering yourself and walking steadfast away from the anchor on which you stand without pulling on the chain to hard. It's about servitude and not attitude.

I've been really struck by this thought in the last two days. I keep complaining (loudly) about being unhappy and unmotivated. I feel under-appreciated and overworked. Really, it's just my pride that feels that way. Inside my Spirit is just saying - hold firm, God will restore you. God will give you the will and the ability to serve others. This is a gift not something to make you feel better. And I've been neglecting that Spirit.

So, I'm gonna work on one thing - breathing - feeling that sense of Spirit enter my lungs has give me strength. I mean, afterall, every drama queen needs a little bit of humulity.

Have I lost the will to blog?

So much is going on with the show, my trip and life I find myself hard pressed to want to sit down at the computer to blog anymore.

What is wrong with me?

Seriously? Seriously.

Oh, and I've got a new haircut

It's a Coupe Bizarre do. My first ever. I like, though I miss Shampoo ('cause it's my fave).

Let me know what you think.

Dear Blog

I am not forgetting about you. I am simply too busy to give you the attention you need. I think about you constantly - about all the weird and wonderful information that I should share with you like:

- Meeting Mr. Reynolds with Tuffy at the Ben Folds concert
- Getting last minute tickets to Lily Allen
- Having a kick ass time holding auditions for Playaz AND having a new kick ass cast
- Starting rehearsals
- Learning more about God's redemption
- Learning I have cavities

But alas, I have become neglectful and more socially flutter-by like. I am never home. I am too busy to blog at work. I barely see you anymore.

Please don't forget me, Blog. I still love you. I just need to not see you everyday for a while.

Love,
Felicity

Now the Green Blade Rises

Now the green blade rises
from the buried gain,
wheat that in dark earth
many days has lain;
love lives again,
that with the dead has been:
Love is come again like wheat that springs up green.

In the grave they laid him,
Love whom hate had slain,
thinking that never
he would wake again,
laid in the earth
like grain that sleeps unseen:
Love is come again like wheat that springs up green.

Forth he came in quiet,
like the risen garin,
he that for three days
in the grave had lain,
quick from the dead
the risen Christ is seen:
Love is come again like wheat that springs up green.

When our hearts are wintry,
grieving, or in pain,
Christ's touch can call us
back to life again,
fields of our hearts
that dead and bare have been:
Love is come again like wheat that springs up green.

Postface - and GO!

Also of note

A) I've finally added more pics to my Flickr account. Woohoo for updating sites that aren't Facebook.

B) I will be seeing Ben Folds on Friday. Woot!

C) Lent is almost over. I can enjoy beer and wine and tequila again.