Two minus one

M left for Romania on Friday. I'm really excited for him - he's getting a chance to do some good in the world, but I've gotta admit, it's strange going about the day to day without him. I now understand what he was talking about when I went to Germany sans him. It's like you get a glimpse of what life was like before having that other person around - and well, I too, don't like it. Not at all.

In fact, it's got me pondering again about where I was this time last year. In the midst of cracking into little pieces. I was starting to deal with painful issues that were bubbling to the surface and I was wanting so badly to not hurt anymore. I also wanted so badly to have what I have now with M. But a skewed perception of it, really. I wanted so badly to have a life that was exciting and lovely, and I wanted to have someone to share it with. But I didn't see that my way of pursuing it was all wrong. I was running after the type of affection that I thought would be true love, love that I saw my other friends find. And I began to dispear and think that it was never possible for me. Ever.

Imagine now what it's like to have love, true love, land in your lap. Truly amazing. I didn't excpect it. In fact, I downright pushed it away. But God's got a funny way of turning things around. And I truly hold Him accountable. But I won't go into all the gushy details. All I know is that I feel like something is missing.

M, come home soon! I love you!

Ode to Mellow Cat

Mellow Cat,

If you're out there and still reading my blog - this is for you.

I miss you, friend. It's not the same without you around all the time. I really wish we lived in the same city where we can actually talk or hang out. The dynamic at our old hang out has changed so much, and you, my friend and ray of sunshine, are no longer around to make things better.

I hope all is well - please let me know how're you doing.

Love,

Felicity Jane

I'm convinced Google is taking over the world

Recently, I set myself up with even more Google related accessories. Along with my gmail and blogger, and my frequent use of YouTube, I find myself also frequently my iGoogle page (kinda like a dashboard from Mac OSX but online) and my Google calendar. Quite frankly, it's a little silly. I guess I'm just pumping even more money into their corporation.

;)

Once again bitten by the Fluevog bug

Yesterday was a bit of an adventure. I convinced M to come long to the Fluevog store on Queen West with me. I was going in the hopes of finding a shoe called Ruby that I really was eyeing to get as wedding shoes. They're great shoes - and they're on sale. For really one sale. Like crazy discount on sale because Fluevogs can run super high in cost. I'd been eyeing then online for about a month. And yesterday was the day to do something about it. And it was all good...until...well, yep - I waited too long. They didn't have my size in stock. I'm so sad!

Luckily, they had other cute shoes on sale too. So I got another cute pair called Sally Jane. I figure with a second name like that, they've gotta be good. Right? What do you think?

Sneak-tastic!

Ok everyone - I may have hope to bringing my blogging life back on track! I have figured out a way to access my account during the day when I couldn't before! Yay! This means all the wonderful posts that I had in my head for so long might actually get written.

Sweet.

Super out of practice

It's been ages again. I don't why I got out of the habit of blogging, it used to be a huge joy - but alas, too much has been happening in my life I guess. Not only have I been doing shows, but I've been falling in love and well....GETTING ENGAGED!

Yes folks! As of July 5th, 2007 I am officially taken and set to marry M. I'm so happy - and a little stressed. We're planning on getting married in January, so it put things into perspective. I can't wait to start this new life. It's kinda crazy, but only that way because it doesn't seem crazy at all. And when put in to perspective with all the moaning and crap I was thinking and feeling this time last year, I've come a long way. God's done a lot of work, and he's sent me an amzing man who loves me for who I am, and what I am. And best of all he knows about God too! Seriously. It's a blessing. A truly amazing blessing.

Amen to that!

Countdown to Harry Potter

Ok - there are days to go - yes, it's almost time! Harry Potter is almost here! Twofold! Can you believe it? I can't! I'm so excited about the book/movie coming out that I've re-read all of the past books and I'm working my way through the past films in preparation. I've even gone as far as reading just about everything on J.K. Rowling's official website, searching Wiki for details, and reading up on discussions held on fan sites. I am so prepared and so excited. I can barely contain it all. Really. I'm going to sit and read my book - just that one book - until it's done. Done. Done.

WOOO!

And so in honour of me being slightly obsessed, check out my new widget.

A good dose of bad medicine

So, it's over and done with. Grey's Entourage has hit the stage, left a few splinters and decended into a memory of singing, dancing and drunken debauchery. All I can say is that it was a blast. Truly. I got to work with some fantastic people who brought their shit night after night to make this a revolutionary show! And the production team was so awesome - we did all we could to think outside of the Players formula and we learned a lot! I am so proud of everyone!

And on top of that we broke some serious records:
1. The most auditions to sign up for any QPT show - EVER! All 2 weeks before hand!
2. We sold out the show entirely in record time - 10 days before the show even started!
3. We had a record challenging raffle with everything from chocolate to airmiles.

Seriously. This was so awesome.

Seriously.

A thoughtful post

So, It's been ages since I've written on my blog. To tell you the truth, I've thought about it tons of times, but I just haven't felt the motivation to get to writing. It doesn't help that I've been super busy (directing a show, travelling to Germany, and the like). Plus it's summer - it's nice outside, and I don't want to spend my nice sunny evenings squandering my hours on my computer. Really.

But I also have to admit, I've had the blahs as well. I've been totally stressed out and maxed out these days. It's like I never have time to relax. I run from work to event to event to sleep to work to event to sleep to work to event...I'm sure you get the picture. It really does take a toll. So often, people who are like me don't take the time to take care of ourselves. We go, go, go until we just can't handle it anymore. Then we collapse, recover slightly and then start to fill lives up all over again. And it's just tiring.

I know I'm not one to criticize anyone for this approach in life. Heaven knows I'm much happier when I'm going full tilt rather than sitting twiddling my thumbs. In fact, I detest being idle. It makes me feel lazy and unmotivated. And that's dangerous. Really. Once that feeling is triggered, I start to decend into feeling resentfulness for not having enough to do - especially at work or with organizations where I want to help out. Kinda silly, but still it happens. On the other hand, if I get too busy and take on too much, this lack of a break pushes me into feeling misunderstood and unappreciated if I feel that others aren't at the very least validating what I'm doing and if they don't do as much as me. Clearly I am a drama queen.

But the question is - why? Why does it have to feel this way? I'm beginning to think it is because I've got my motivations all mixed up. I want to help people and feel useful for recognition, for validation, and that's just not what life is all about. It's about finding a balance, centering yourself and walking steadfast away from the anchor on which you stand without pulling on the chain to hard. It's about servitude and not attitude.

I've been really struck by this thought in the last two days. I keep complaining (loudly) about being unhappy and unmotivated. I feel under-appreciated and overworked. Really, it's just my pride that feels that way. Inside my Spirit is just saying - hold firm, God will restore you. God will give you the will and the ability to serve others. This is a gift not something to make you feel better. And I've been neglecting that Spirit.

So, I'm gonna work on one thing - breathing - feeling that sense of Spirit enter my lungs has give me strength. I mean, afterall, every drama queen needs a little bit of humulity.

Have I lost the will to blog?

So much is going on with the show, my trip and life I find myself hard pressed to want to sit down at the computer to blog anymore.

What is wrong with me?

Seriously? Seriously.

Oh, and I've got a new haircut

It's a Coupe Bizarre do. My first ever. I like, though I miss Shampoo ('cause it's my fave).

Let me know what you think.

Dear Blog

I am not forgetting about you. I am simply too busy to give you the attention you need. I think about you constantly - about all the weird and wonderful information that I should share with you like:

- Meeting Mr. Reynolds with Tuffy at the Ben Folds concert
- Getting last minute tickets to Lily Allen
- Having a kick ass time holding auditions for Playaz AND having a new kick ass cast
- Starting rehearsals
- Learning more about God's redemption
- Learning I have cavities

But alas, I have become neglectful and more socially flutter-by like. I am never home. I am too busy to blog at work. I barely see you anymore.

Please don't forget me, Blog. I still love you. I just need to not see you everyday for a while.

Love,
Felicity

Now the Green Blade Rises

Now the green blade rises
from the buried gain,
wheat that in dark earth
many days has lain;
love lives again,
that with the dead has been:
Love is come again like wheat that springs up green.

In the grave they laid him,
Love whom hate had slain,
thinking that never
he would wake again,
laid in the earth
like grain that sleeps unseen:
Love is come again like wheat that springs up green.

Forth he came in quiet,
like the risen garin,
he that for three days
in the grave had lain,
quick from the dead
the risen Christ is seen:
Love is come again like wheat that springs up green.

When our hearts are wintry,
grieving, or in pain,
Christ's touch can call us
back to life again,
fields of our hearts
that dead and bare have been:
Love is come again like wheat that springs up green.

Postface - and GO!

Also of note

A) I've finally added more pics to my Flickr account. Woohoo for updating sites that aren't Facebook.

B) I will be seeing Ben Folds on Friday. Woot!

C) Lent is almost over. I can enjoy beer and wine and tequila again.

Like losing a good friend

Ever find that reading a good book is like discovering a new friend? I do. Probably because I'm a true bookworm at heart who bonded more with books than people when I was younger. Just sayin'.

Right now I'm reading the book Tandia the sequel to the very awesome book The Power of One by Bryce Courtenay. Both very enthralling books, mostly because they are set in a very politically charged pre-apartheid and apartheid South Africa. I'm totally into this book and the story is somewhat stressful and disturbing, but very true feeling. I want to find out what happens, but at the same time, I don't want the book to be finished yet.

It truly is like losing a good friend.

Guess I'll just have to find something else to read until the next Harry Potter comes out.

Rediscovering a love for Dilbert

When I was younger, my sister was really into Dilbert cartoons. I remember this because I ended up buying her a Dilbert t-shirt as a gift from FAO Schwartz when I went in grade 11. I, however, didn't really get into it. I think it's because one has to spend some time in an office before it truly begins to make sense.

These days, I've been a bit of a cranky pants a work. We've had a lot of work and a lot of change happen in the last few months, and I've been really trying to keep it light, but alas, I have not always been successful. Therefore, I've been searching for a light diversion to keep me smiling during the day. Somehow (I think because of M) I stumbled on to Dilbert. And of course, now that I work a desk job in an office, this is all the funnier to me.

Here's one of my favourites:

Winning over parents = good, stolen iPods = bad

This weekend I decided to take on another adventure. Yep, it was about meeting the parents. M's parents, of course, seeing as I've met mine.

So after work on Friday, M and I left the city to head down to Lambton county - more specifically to the chemical valley, aka Sarnia. Even more specifically we went to Sombra. It's a thriving community of maybe 200 people. Very pretty, but you'll see in a minute why I mention these facts...

The drive was good - we made fairly good time once we got past the Friday commuter traffic. It was a nice drive, as M and I got to spend some quality time together. Before I knew it, it was 9 pm and we were pulling into his parents driveway. Then the meeting happened - both of his are really nice, and his puppy Winston is super cute. We had a good, though brief, visit before hitting the hay for the night.

The next morning, however, presented me with a different view of the tiny little Sombra. Yep - I awoke to M asking me one simple question "Did you take the iPods (meaning mine and his) out of the car?". My response: "No". Oh crap. Turns out both of them were gone, gone, gone. GAH! It seems the door might have been left open and someone got in and took them both.
The good news - we didn't lose the cell phone, wallet or expensive sunglasses we also foolishly left in the car. But still - the iPods...

Later that day we tried to put it out our minds and focused on family time. I got to play hockey with M's brother and nephews. It was a lot of fun, and lunch was great. Really, I just felt really welcome, and that meant a lot to me. It was a successful day. I think I'll be welcomed back..

That evening we headed of to Wendy's to join her Hawaiian party. It was good to have a chance to meet her friends, and to have Wends meet M. Wends ended up getting up some really strange and funny outfits for Value Village, and we all looked pretty silly. It was nice. It's just too bad I couldn't taste any of her Hypnotique breezers (stupid lent...)

Sunday was all about breakfast and then heading out, but not without raiding Wendy's CD collection first. We made it home in under 3 hrs. Safe and sound. And iPodless.

For /dr. Remember when...

I went to Forum for Young Canadians and met Andrew Rennie?

I looked like a little boy? (Yes, that really is me).

I was a mascot for the 1998 Newfoundland and Labrador Winter games?
(I'm in the Carrie Bou suit).

I was a figure skater?
I had a helmet hair cut?

or a bowl hair cut?

Oh my. This has been fun. Honestly.

Holy Crap.

It's been ages since I've updated my blog. Sorry faithful followers (if indeed you do exist).

Life has been pretty crazy - work has been off kilter lately as one of our beloved colleagues moved on to different pastures and we've been training someone new. (I'm really excited for RK, it's just sad that he's gone because he will be missed). This has meant some really busy weeks though at work - I've been doing my work as well as someone else's tidbits so it's been hectic. On top of which, life has been busy - lots to do. QPT stuff is picking up - auditions are coming up just after Easter. The band, dubbed Shawn Jurek and Team Power, did our gig on Saturday night, winning the Toronto Kickball Battle of the Bands. And I've been working on some film stuff too, doing makeup for Anton's commercials.

And I'm sure most of this post doesn't even make sense because I'm sick and totally out of my attention span for blogging. I'm really just doing this out of obligation, and I'm rambling.

I need to sleep, I think. And so I will.