drama queening

I've moved!

2008-04-23T22:54:00.001-04:00

So, I've picked up my blogging again, but I've decided to jump ship.

Please check out my newest home.

Enjoy!

Today has been an annoyance

2008-04-15T15:59:00.002-04:00

Today I've felt totally annoyed all day long - and having a coffee this morning totally didn't help keeping those feelings alive.

Grr.

First off I've had one hell of a day trying to organize my exams for my courses. Mostly what's causing issues is that the coordinator from the invigilation place doesn't seem to understand the word "early". I need to write an exam on the 24th of May, which is causing issues because my good friend Ann Marie is getting married that day at 1:00 pm. So, when I booked the exam I asked to have my 3 hr exam scheduled "early". To them, early means 10:00. Let's do the math. My exam is 3 hrs, starting at 10:00 am means my exam ends at 1:00 pm. Isn't that when Annie's wedding is? GAH! No go. I'm not missing the wedding. Luckily I decided to say "too bad so sad stupid person!" and I booked an exam the day before with another place. (A 10$ difference is a small price to pay for being at the wedding).

Secondly, work has been nuts today. People have just seemed off their rockers and totally doing strange things. I don't get it. It makes me feel like I'm on crazy pills. Really, we're probably all just fine, we've just got a case of the "stupids" when it comes to communicating properly. Sheesh. I hate these days, mostly because I get blamed when stuff goes wrong. Or at least it feel that way. But I won't go on because it's work, and people say I shouldn't blog about work.

Thirdly, I'm restless. And I'm annoyed about that.

Maybe it'll get better one I go home and watch Lost.

Total addiction

2008-04-07T17:55:00.002-04:00

Marty and I have spent the last little while getting hooked on the show Lost. I've never watched an episode before, and well, I'm totally in love.

Honestly, it's keeping me going until Grey's Anatomy comes back.

Seriously.

The process

2008-04-01T17:54:00.001-04:00

Last night Marty and I spent the evening with our marriage mentoring couple from the Meeting House. It was a fun evening - they're very nice and fed us very well. After dinner we sat down to talk about the first few months of marriage - and I've gotta say, this is definitely valuable. Adjusting to being married is not easy by any stretch of the imagination. You've got to learn to live with a new roomie - and there are WAY more emotional stakes. That aside, when you've got other outside stressers (like school) it makes it even harder. So, Marty and I are both really enjoying having a couple that's been married for a while present us with some good tips and opportunities to talk things out.

One of the really interesting things we discussed last night was a spin-off idea of one of Bruxy's sermons. It was the contrast of efficiency and relationship. Essentially, Bruxy brought up the idea that it's easy to question why God isn't efficient - He's all powerful, so why doesn't He fix everything? That would be efficient indeed, and the end product would be fantastic, but it wouldn't bring about what's really on God's heart - a relationship with us. So, God often is willing to "sacrifice" efficiency for relationships. It's very interesting topic to ponder about and it really made my think about it.

When I was doing a lot of theatre theory, especially postmodern theory, I often discussed the idea of the process being the art. Sometimes the end product, the play or piece, isn't the most interesting part. The process of how the piece was conceived, collaborated on and refined tells a truer tale. That's the process. I really truly believe that for me the process is what's important. Last night, I got to thinking about how this idea of process can be translated into interpersonal relationships, and also with my relationship with God.

It's easy to get discouraged when the end product that you've been working towards doesn't come out just right. Perhaps by focusing on how far you've come from point A to point B is what's needs to be taken into consideration. Those are the actions that are deliberate and most often done in communion. If I know I'm good at a task and that I can do it efficiently doesn't mean I have to do it all the time if it's at the expense of not involving others. A guitarist may be totally able to carry on a tune, but it shouldn't come at the expense of the drummer wanting to keep up with him.

I'm really going to chew on this one for a while - I think it will really help me understand why it is I have to continue to pursue my faith in Christ. It may be rough and hard at times, but I still keep plugging on. Although God could make all the answers and pathways clear, He doesn't because this allows me to find Him, to ask Him for help and to move forward in communion with Him. I'm pursuing the loving, righteous relationship He's always had in mind for us.

Very cool.

Feeling closed in!

2008-03-29T17:08:00.002-04:00

I feel like I'm getting a little stir crazy - I've been in the house since yesterday and have been working hard on school work. I'm just feeling really insane today.

I want to get out but yet I feel like I've got so much work to do. Yikes! I don't know. Baby steps I guess.

Shopping victoriously!

2008-03-27T11:27:00.002-04:00

Yessss!

Yesterday I totally scored one on e-bay!

I've been looking to find a fun pencil skirt that's a modern take-off of the traditional pin-up style. You know the sort of high-waisted totally awesome Rockabilly kinda skirt. I've found a few that I've liked, only bid on one, and loss - until yesterday. I just decided to go for it on this skirt I saw. And I won!

Check out how cute this one of a kind skirt is:

I'm a terrible correspondent!

2008-03-26T11:38:00.000-04:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about just how bad of a correspondent (and possibly long term friend) I am.

Let me explain what I mean.

I am a person who loves to meet new people and to forge new friendships. Trouble is, I'm really bad a staying in touch with people when they aren't in my immediate circle. For example, my good friends from Jets Go, who I no longer see on an almost daily basis, don't get nearly as many emails and correspondence from me as they should. Why? I'm not sure. I think it's because I get very wrapped up in my immediate circumstances that I forget to send all the emails that I've intented. Hating talking on the phone at length is also an issue. I just can't pull off long hour long coversations over the phone like I used to in high school. I mean, it does happen every now and then, but it's rare.

I ponder about this - mostly because these days I feel like I'm even struggling to keep up with friends in current life circle. Life has changed a lot. I planned a wedding, got married and changed where I live. I've also undertaking 3 university courses that have to be done in a very short amount of time. I don't have time for my husband, let alone for me and let alone for my friends. And this bothers me.

I know, I know. Most people say "Forget about it!" and "If they're your real friends, they'll understand". But how long can I expect them to understand without sending out a little love? One-sided relationships suck. For serious.

I guess I ponder about it because I don't want to be selfish. I don't want to feel like my friends have to continue to care about me and love me when I'm not doing all in my power to love them. But then again, right now, all that's in my power is the ability to say "I love you, and still care, I just need to get this shit done first".

I'm torn.

Girlicious

2008-03-25T22:41:00.002-04:00

No lies. I'm addicted. I totally am.

Every Tuesday night, the books go away, and I just need to watch Girlicious. Seriously! I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the fact that it meets my subtle girl fight watch a train wreck kinda need.

Anyway. Tonight's episode was crazy. Things were off all across the board. Whether it was Natalie storming out on Ken Hicks or Charlye's emotional phone-related freak out, it made me question who's got the overall chops to be the next almost-but-not-quite cookie cutter girl group.

My current guess for the finalists?

I say Tiffanie, Nichole and maybe Charlye.

I'll keep you posted.

What's in a name?

2007-11-19T23:22:00.000-05:00

The wedding plans are coming along - we get married in just under two months, and I find myself relatively calm. M and I have our moments of freaking out, but overall, we're getting everything sorted. For me though, I've got one other thing I need to work through: changing the name.

I don't think as a little girl, or even a year ago, I could comprehend what it means to say you're going to take on the name of the man you are to wed. It's not a new concept, and it's not even a strange one. In fact, it's a tradition I kinda like and have never had the intention to go against. But now that's it coming down to crunch time, I find it's making me jittery and I'm getting a strange case of cold feet.

And the worst part is - I'm not sure why! Obviously, it's a HUGE change. I won't be "me" anymore - but I'll be something new, something different - a new covenant. And that's sooo awesome. But still, I'm finding it hard to look at my name - the name that I have come to know and love for 26 years, and I think "I won't be that anymore!"

Girls out there - how have you deal with these mixed feelings? Seriously. (This is of course going on the asumption I still have readers - it has been AGES!)

I'd love to get some feedback!

Two minus one

2007-08-07T11:41:00.000-04:00

M left for Romania on Friday. I'm really excited for him - he's getting a chance to do some good in the world, but I've gotta admit, it's strange going about the day to day without him. I now understand what he was talking about when I went to Germany sans him. It's like you get a glimpse of what life was like before having that other person around - and well, I too, don't like it. Not at all.

In fact, it's got me pondering again about where I was this time last year. In the midst of cracking into little pieces. I was starting to deal with painful issues that were bubbling to the surface and I was wanting so badly to not hurt anymore. I also wanted so badly to have what I have now with M. But a skewed perception of it, really. I wanted so badly to have a life that was exciting and lovely, and I wanted to have someone to share it with. But I didn't see that my way of pursuing it was all wrong. I was running after the type of affection that I thought would be true love, love that I saw my other friends find. And I began to dispear and think that it was never possible for me. Ever.

Imagine now what it's like to have love, true love, land in your lap. Truly amazing. I didn't excpect it. In fact, I downright pushed it away. But God's got a funny way of turning things around. And I truly hold Him accountable. But I won't go into all the gushy details. All I know is that I feel like something is missing.

M, come home soon! I love you!

Ode to Mellow Cat

2007-08-01T16:05:00.000-04:00

Mellow Cat,

If you're out there and still reading my blog - this is for you.

I miss you, friend. It's not the same without you around all the time. I really wish we lived in the same city where we can actually talk or hang out. The dynamic at our old hang out has changed so much, and you, my friend and ray of sunshine, are no longer around to make things better.

I hope all is well - please let me know how're you doing.

Love,

Felicity Jane

I'm convinced Google is taking over the world

2007-08-01T16:01:00.000-04:00

Recently, I set myself up with even more Google related accessories. Along with my gmail and blogger, and my frequent use of YouTube, I find myself also frequently my iGoogle page (kinda like a dashboard from Mac OSX but online) and my Google calendar. Quite frankly, it's a little silly. I guess I'm just pumping even more money into their corporation.

;)

Once again bitten by the Fluevog bug

2007-07-31T16:23:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was a bit of an adventure. I convinced M to come long to the Fluevog store on Queen West with me. I was going in the hopes of finding a shoe called Ruby that I really was eyeing to get as wedding shoes. They're great shoes - and they're on sale. For really one sale. Like crazy discount on sale because Fluevogs can run super high in cost. I'd been eyeing then online for about a month. And yesterday was the day to do something about it. And it was all good...until...well, yep - I waited too long. They didn't have my size in stock. I'm so sad!

Luckily, they had other cute shoes on sale too. So I got another cute pair called Sally Jane. I figure with a second name like that, they've gotta be good. Right? What do you think?

Sneak-tastic!

2007-07-27T13:27:00.000-04:00

Ok everyone - I may have hope to bringing my blogging life back on track! I have figured out a way to access my account during the day when I couldn't before! Yay! This means all the wonderful posts that I had in my head for so long might actually get written.

Sweet.

Super out of practice

2007-07-26T22:29:00.000-04:00

It's been ages again. I don't why I got out of the habit of blogging, it used to be a huge joy - but alas, too much has been happening in my life I guess. Not only have I been doing shows, but I've been falling in love and well....GETTING ENGAGED!

Yes folks! As of July 5th, 2007 I am officially taken and set to marry M. I'm so happy - and a little stressed. We're planning on getting married in January, so it put things into perspective. I can't wait to start this new life. It's kinda crazy, but only that way because it doesn't seem crazy at all. And when put in to perspective with all the moaning and crap I was thinking and feeling this time last year, I've come a long way. God's done a lot of work, and he's sent me an amzing man who loves me for who I am, and what I am. And best of all he knows about God too! Seriously. It's a blessing. A truly amazing blessing.

Amen to that!

Countdown to Harry Potter

2007-06-26T21:35:00.000-04:00

Ok - there are days to go - yes, it's almost time! Harry Potter is almost here! Twofold! Can you believe it? I can't! I'm so excited about the book/movie coming out that I've re-read all of the past books and I'm working my way through the past films in preparation. I've even gone as far as reading just about everything on J.K. Rowling's official website, searching Wiki for details, and reading up on discussions held on fan sites. I am so prepared and so excited. I can barely contain it all. Really. I'm going to sit and read my book - just that one book - until it's done. Done. Done.

WOOO!

And so in honour of me being slightly obsessed, check out my new widget.

A good dose of bad medicine

2007-06-25T15:47:00.000-04:00

So, it's over and done with. Grey's Entourage has hit the stage, left a few splinters and decended into a memory of singing, dancing and drunken debauchery. All I can say is that it was a blast. Truly. I got to work with some fantastic people who brought their shit night after night to make this a revolutionary show! And the production team was so awesome - we did all we could to think outside of the Players formula and we learned a lot! I am so proud of everyone!

And on top of that we broke some serious records:
1. The most auditions to sign up for any QPT show - EVER! All 2 weeks before hand!
2. We sold out the show entirely in record time - 10 days before the show even started!
3. We had a record challenging raffle with everything from chocolate to airmiles.

Seriously. This was so awesome.

Seriously.

A thoughtful post

2007-06-21T10:21:00.000-04:00

So, It's been ages since I've written on my blog. To tell you the truth, I've thought about it tons of times, but I just haven't felt the motivation to get to writing. It doesn't help that I've been super busy (directing a show, travelling to Germany, and the like). Plus it's summer - it's nice outside, and I don't want to spend my nice sunny evenings squandering my hours on my computer. Really.

But I also have to admit, I've had the blahs as well. I've been totally stressed out and maxed out these days. It's like I never have time to relax. I run from work to event to event to sleep to work to event to sleep to work to event...I'm sure you get the picture. It really does take a toll. So often, people who are like me don't take the time to take care of ourselves. We go, go, go until we just can't handle it anymore. Then we collapse, recover slightly and then start to fill lives up all over again. And it's just tiring.

I know I'm not one to criticize anyone for this approach in life. Heaven knows I'm much happier when I'm going full tilt rather than sitting twiddling my thumbs. In fact, I detest being idle. It makes me feel lazy and unmotivated. And that's dangerous. Really. Once that feeling is triggered, I start to decend into feeling resentfulness for not having enough to do - especially at work or with organizations where I want to help out. Kinda silly, but still it happens. On the other hand, if I get too busy and take on too much, this lack of a break pushes me into feeling misunderstood and unappreciated if I feel that others aren't at the very least validating what I'm doing and if they don't do as much as me. Clearly I am a drama queen.

But the question is - why? Why does it have to feel this way? I'm beginning to think it is because I've got my motivations all mixed up. I want to help people and feel useful for recognition, for validation, and that's just not what life is all about. It's about finding a balance, centering yourself and walking steadfast away from the anchor on which you stand without pulling on the chain to hard. It's about servitude and not attitude.

I've been really struck by this thought in the last two days. I keep complaining (loudly) about being unhappy and unmotivated. I feel under-appreciated and overworked. Really, it's just my pride that feels that way. Inside my Spirit is just saying - hold firm, God will restore you. God will give you the will and the ability to serve others. This is a gift not something to make you feel better. And I've been neglecting that Spirit.

So, I'm gonna work on one thing - breathing - feeling that sense of Spirit enter my lungs has give me strength. I mean, afterall, every drama queen needs a little bit of humulity.

Have I lost the will to blog?

2007-05-23T23:03:00.000-04:00

So much is going on with the show, my trip and life I find myself hard pressed to want to sit down at the computer to blog anymore.

What is wrong with me?

Seriously? Seriously.

Oh, and I've got a new haircut

2007-04-25T23:12:00.000-04:00

It's a Coupe Bizarre do. My first ever. I like, though I miss Shampoo ('cause it's my fave).

Let me know what you think.

Dear Blog

2007-04-25T23:06:00.000-04:00

I am not forgetting about you. I am simply too busy to give you the attention you need. I think about you constantly - about all the weird and wonderful information that I should share with you like:

- Meeting Mr. Reynolds with Tuffy at the Ben Folds concert
- Getting last minute tickets to Lily Allen
- Having a kick ass time holding auditions for Playaz AND having a new kick ass cast
- Starting rehearsals
- Learning more about God's redemption
- Learning I have cavities

But alas, I have become neglectful and more socially flutter-by like. I am never home. I am too busy to blog at work. I barely see you anymore.

Please don't forget me, Blog. I still love you. I just need to not see you everyday for a while.

Love,
Felicity

Now the Green Blade Rises

2007-04-08T00:20:00.000-04:00

Now the green blade rises
from the buried gain,
wheat that in dark earth
many days has lain;
love lives again,
that with the dead has been:
Love is come again like wheat that springs up green.

In the grave they laid him,
Love whom hate had slain,
thinking that never
he would wake again,
laid in the earth
like grain that sleeps unseen:
Love is come again like wheat that springs up green.

Forth he came in quiet,
like the risen garin,
he that for three days
in the grave had lain,
quick from the dead
the risen Christ is seen:
Love is come again like wheat that springs up green.

When our hearts are wintry,
grieving, or in pain,
Christ's touch can call us
back to life again,
fields of our hearts
that dead and bare have been:
Love is come again like wheat that springs up green.

Postface - and GO!

2007-04-05T00:20:00.000-04:00

Also of note

2007-04-04T23:56:00.000-04:00

A) I've finally added more pics to my Flickr account. Woohoo for updating sites that aren't Facebook.

B) I will be seeing Ben Folds on Friday. Woot!

C) Lent is almost over. I can enjoy beer and wine and tequila again.

Like losing a good friend

2007-04-04T23:51:00.000-04:00

Ever find that reading a good book is like discovering a new friend? I do. Probably because I'm a true bookworm at heart who bonded more with books than people when I was younger. Just sayin'.

Right now I'm reading the book Tandia the sequel to the very awesome book The Power of One by Bryce Courtenay. Both very enthralling books, mostly because they are set in a very politically charged pre-apartheid and apartheid South Africa. I'm totally into this book and the story is somewhat stressful and disturbing, but very true feeling. I want to find out what happens, but at the same time, I don't want the book to be finished yet.

It truly is like losing a good friend.

Guess I'll just have to find something else to read until the next Harry Potter comes out.

Rediscovering a love for Dilbert

2007-04-03T15:53:00.000-04:00

When I was younger, my sister was really into Dilbert cartoons. I remember this because I ended up buying her a Dilbert t-shirt as a gift from FAO Schwartz when I went in grade 11. I, however, didn't really get into it. I think it's because one has to spend some time in an office before it truly begins to make sense.

These days, I've been a bit of a cranky pants a work. We've had a lot of work and a lot of change happen in the last few months, and I've been really trying to keep it light, but alas, I have not always been successful. Therefore, I've been searching for a light diversion to keep me smiling during the day. Somehow (I think because of M) I stumbled on to Dilbert. And of course, now that I work a desk job in an office, this is all the funnier to me.

Here's one of my favourites:

Winning over parents = good, stolen iPods = bad

2007-04-02T20:49:00.000-04:00

This weekend I decided to take on another adventure. Yep, it was about meeting the parents. M's parents, of course, seeing as I've met mine.

So after work on Friday, M and I left the city to head down to Lambton county - more specifically to the chemical valley, aka Sarnia. Even more specifically we went to Sombra. It's a thriving community of maybe 200 people. Very pretty, but you'll see in a minute why I mention these facts...

The drive was good - we made fairly good time once we got past the Friday commuter traffic. It was a nice drive, as M and I got to spend some quality time together. Before I knew it, it was 9 pm and we were pulling into his parents driveway. Then the meeting happened - both of his are really nice, and his puppy Winston is super cute. We had a good, though brief, visit before hitting the hay for the night.

The next morning, however, presented me with a different view of the tiny little Sombra. Yep - I awoke to M asking me one simple question "Did you take the iPods (meaning mine and his) out of the car?". My response: "No". Oh crap. Turns out both of them were gone, gone, gone. GAH! It seems the door might have been left open and someone got in and took them both.
The good news - we didn't lose the cell phone, wallet or expensive sunglasses we also foolishly left in the car. But still - the iPods...

Later that day we tried to put it out our minds and focused on family time. I got to play hockey with M's brother and nephews. It was a lot of fun, and lunch was great. Really, I just felt really welcome, and that meant a lot to me. It was a successful day. I think I'll be welcomed back..

That evening we headed of to Wendy's to join her Hawaiian party. It was good to have a chance to meet her friends, and to have Wends meet M. Wends ended up getting up some really strange and funny outfits for Value Village, and we all looked pretty silly. It was nice. It's just too bad I couldn't taste any of her Hypnotique breezers (stupid lent...)

Sunday was all about breakfast and then heading out, but not without raiding Wendy's CD collection first. We made it home in under 3 hrs. Safe and sound. And iPodless.

For /dr. Remember when...

2007-03-25T22:57:00.000-04:00

I went to Forum for Young Canadians and met Andrew Rennie?

I looked like a little boy? (Yes, that really is me).

I was a mascot for the 1998 Newfoundland and Labrador Winter games?
(I'm in the Carrie Bou suit).

I was a figure skater?
I had a helmet hair cut?

or a bowl hair cut?

Oh my. This has been fun. Honestly.

Holy Crap.

2007-03-25T22:35:00.000-04:00

It's been ages since I've updated my blog. Sorry faithful followers (if indeed you do exist).

Life has been pretty crazy - work has been off kilter lately as one of our beloved colleagues moved on to different pastures and we've been training someone new. (I'm really excited for RK, it's just sad that he's gone because he will be missed). This has meant some really busy weeks though at work - I've been doing my work as well as someone else's tidbits so it's been hectic. On top of which, life has been busy - lots to do. QPT stuff is picking up - auditions are coming up just after Easter. The band, dubbed Shawn Jurek and Team Power, did our gig on Saturday night, winning the Toronto Kickball Battle of the Bands. And I've been working on some film stuff too, doing makeup for Anton's commercials.

And I'm sure most of this post doesn't even make sense because I'm sick and totally out of my attention span for blogging. I'm really just doing this out of obligation, and I'm rambling.

I need to sleep, I think. And so I will.

A turn for the better

2007-03-14T16:06:00.000-04:00

So, having a boy around who loves to board is definately a bonus. Especially when you've been wanting to learn since high school and you haven't quite mastered a few skills on your own.

Last Sunday evening, M, his friend Ben and I drove up to Blue Mountain to take advantage of one of the last nice days of the winter to board! It was gorgeous weather - you barely need to double layer your gloves, and the snow was pretty good too! It was here on that day, with a little help, I had a major triumph - I learned how to turn uphill (and not faceplant in the snow). It was amazing! I did it! WOOT!

Next thing I knew, I was heading down the hill faster, getting up some more speed on my turns and I was stepping into becoming a real boarding betty. Yess! I have missed that feeling ever since I left Labrador. Now I'm hooked!

I guess this means I'd better save up some cash for a board of my own.

(See the one I want above)

And the other best part was getting to share it with M and all his friends. That's just an added bonus. Hugs to you all!

MuteMath

2007-03-09T12:40:00.000-05:00

So, last night was a new experience for me. Not only did I see my very first show at the Opera House, but I had my very first experience of MuteMath live. And all I can say is WOW!

Before going to see the show, I really didn't know much about the band at all - I was going solely on the recommendation of M. He said that he loved the band and it was one of the single best live acts he's seen. I'm not going to lie, I was a little skeptical, mostly because I was totally not expecting anything to knock my Muse experience out of my #1 spot. Yet today I have to admit it. MuteMath wins hands down! They were simply outstanding! Their album does no justice to the experience of seeing them live.

Overall it was a pretty awesome night.

To start the evening, M and I went to meet some friends for dinner at the Real Jerk on Queen E. It was really good food, complete with a new adventure as I tried the curried goat. Ha! I still can't believe that I did, but oh well, it was fun to try something new! Then we hurried over to the Opera House with more friends to get ready for the show. Luckily, yet another friend was holding out a sweet railing spot, and we squeezed into watch the opening bands - The Reason (from Hamilton) and The Cinematics (from Scotland). Both bands were pretty decent, but I was definately more into the second as they were just tighter and more interesting. Either way, it was a good way of priming the crowd.

Next we prepared for the main show - MUTEMATH! Really, from start to finish these guys were really tight and interesting to watch. They were all over the map - each member was playing all sorts of different instruments. For serious.

I can't even tell you. So check out this clip. This is the exact show we saw. Wow.

Out and around

2007-03-04T22:55:00.000-05:00

It's been another neglecto-blog week. I've been out and occupied almost every night this week, and I've been trying to get to be on time too, hence no blogging. Sorry loyal reading fans.

There is too much going on with me - I had an awesome weekend. Friday night was pretty lazy - actually all of Friday seemed that way...mostly because I worked from home and didn't have as much to do as I would have hoped because the office building got shut down for the day. Luckily M was there to drive me back home and such. That night, him and I went to dinner then to the ROM, which is awesome, because I haven't been since my third night in Toronto. Then we went to see the Radical Dudez play at the Horseshoe.

Saturday was pretty laid back. I did some errands during the day, and that night went to Preface, this awesome fundraising event for Freedomize India. There are some great pics I took, some of which I will post on my photoblog.

All in all, a very successful week.

Degrassi. Live it. Love it.

2007-02-26T23:41:00.000-05:00

Lately I've been really into watching my Degrassi Junior High Episodes. Sooo good! Really.

Here is a glimpse at how awesome it is:

Mum saves the day!

2007-02-22T16:15:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I was at work fretting because I had to fill out a government form. As per usual, I was asked to provide my address history for the last five years - a task that may be easy for some, but when you had three address in 2004 alone, it's tricky. So there I was trying to get this done quickly and efficiently, but having the hardest time remember the numbers of houses I lived in in 2002! Ugh! I tried Mapquest, Canada Post, Google - combinations to help me remember! I just wanted it done.

Eventually, I gave into asking for help. I called home. I asked Dad if he had my mailing address for the house I subletted a room in the summer of 2004. Was it 121 King St W in Kingston? Nope! He couldn't help. Then suddenly, through a stroke of genius, Dad to decided to check one last place: Mum's handy household phonebook. Eureka! There they were - all my known address from 2000 to 2007 written down with phone numbers. It was such a relief. One hour of work terminated in 5 minutes!

Mum, you rock!

A life gets a little more complicated...and busy.

2007-02-20T23:03:00.000-05:00

Life is really good this week. I'm happy. I've been spending a good chunk of time feeling super productive and the other half spent with a stupid grin on my face. Oh well. That's never a bad thing.

So, what's making life so different?

1) Making some commitments - to God, to love, to many things. But I'm committing even more to being a Godly woman. And He's rewarding that! Woo!

2) Co-creating some potential projects - I'm not going into great detail yet, but there are a few ideas on the horizon! It's gonna be really cool.

3) Directing the next QPT show - Grey's Entourage. Hollywood's Been Hospitalized. The show is going up in June. The auditions are in April. Come one come all!
Check it:

4) Some potential music - with my friend Shawn. March 24th. Keep this open!

Wow. That's a lot.

I'll keep you posted.

What does your Candy heart say?

2007-02-14T14:25:00.000-05:00

So, I came across this online. I thought I would try it in the spirit of Valentine's.

Your Candy Heart Says "First Kiss"

You're a true romantic who brings an innocent hope to each new relationship.
You see the good in every person you date, and you relish each step of falling in love.

Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a romantic dinner your sweetie cooks for you

Your flirting style: friendly and sweet

What turns you off: cynics who don't believe in romance

Why you're hot: you always keep the romance alive

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

But really, I just enjoyed making up my own:

Philosophy (a few words from Mr. Ben Folds)

2007-02-13T13:51:00.000-05:00

go ahead you can laugh all you want

I got my philosophy

[keeps my feet on the ground]

and I trust it like the ground

that's why my philosophy

[my phil]

it keeps me walking when I'm falling down

[los-o-phy]

I see that there is evil

and I know that there is good

and the in-betweens I never understood

won't you look at me, I'm crazy,

but I get the job done

yeah, I'm crazy, but I get the job done

and I say:

go ahead you can laugh all you want

but I got my philosophy

[keeps my feet on the ground]

and I trust it like the ground

that's why my philosophy

[my phil]

it keeps me walking when I'm falling down

[los-o-phy]

Growing pains

2007-02-12T22:56:00.000-05:00

It's days like today that I really wish I was done growing up. Realistically, that's hard to say because we're never can fully say we've finished growing. Intellectually, physically and even spiritually we should always be searching for something bigger and better. To move up, to move on, or to simply move. Heaven knows I don't want to settle or become to comfortable in life so that I can't see the next step...but sometimes it's just so damn hard.

I'm really feeling that these days. I'm in the middle of a super intense spiritual and faithful journey. One that involves me searching deep within myself to find God in all the cracks, scars and deep set wounds of my heart. This journey started over a year ago when God told me He was gonna move in my life. I remember that day so clearly. I was walking down the street from then Rachel's house (now my house) and I was thinking - about a book I'd read, about God and about life. I was thinking how great it would be to commit my life fully into the path of Jesus, and what that would mean. And suddenly I could feel God saying - "Yes, do it! I am with you and I will change your life. Just commit to me and I will change so much." And I said "ok!"

That was the first time I didn't feel scared of the final product. That product being a Godly woman. The woman I am in Christ. I am nothing if I am not that. And I was not born to be nothing.

Now I sit a year into this journey, and more and more I feel like my insides are being ripped apart. I've been through so many ups and downs. I've had laughter, I've had pain, and God's made me come out alright. He healed some surface wounds. Now He is saying that is delving deeper. Into the dark, hardened elements of my heart. The very core of my being that is scared and walled in. And He is asking me to let in the Light. And I'm scared.

Not because I don't want to be healed, but because it hurts like hell and I don't know how to show my weakness. If I do, I just won't be able to stand up. I'm afraid that God won't love me, that my friends won't love me...that I won't love me. Or simply that I will fail to change. And that's a tough challenge to face. Especially when it means doing things you don't necessarily want to do. That's the "fun" part - realizing that growing up involves the violence of choice - as in choosing something because you have to obey, because God is asking you too.

And I'm really struggling right now. I know I have to focus myself on the cross. I have to sit and beg for the right to be there, but at the same time I have to let the Light come in. I have to let God work. I have to let Him make me move. I have to lay down by still waters so He can restore my soul. And it's about discipline. And babysteps. And taking the sweet with the sour.

I just pray that I can remember that. Mostly because I just feel like screaming "Stop this pain, you bastard!" Why make me feel if you're just going to hurt me. But it's true, growing up has it pains. And His rod and staff with comfort me. And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Amen to that.

Dolly-eyed.

2007-02-12T11:09:00.000-05:00

Yesterday as I was heading to work, listening to my tunes, a Dolly Parton song came on. And it made me smile. You see, I've got a soft spot in my heart for Miss Parton and I have had once since I was a little girl. Mostly because my mother is a fan, and no family vacation was complete without a list of her favourite Dolly tapes. (Paul Simon, Chris de Burgh, Roy Orbison and Nana Mouskouri are other favs).

Dolly makes me smile. Listening to her softly lilting voice and her simple yet at times profound lyrics, I remember sitting on the floor in my house in Labrador, listening to White Limousine and staring a Dolly's huge pink nails in her cover art. I remember singing along to Slow Dancing With the Moon with my sister and mother in the car. For some reason, Dolly just keeps me smiling.

So, today, I felt inspired to share of few of my fav Dolly lyrics with you to make you smile:

Love is like a butterfly

As soft and gentle as a sigh

The multicolored moods of love are like its satin wings

Love makes your heart feel strange inside

It flutters like soft wings in flight

Love is like a butterfly, a rare and gentle thing

(From Love Is Like A Butterfly written by Dolly Parton)

I cross my heart and hope to die

I'll always be here by your side

My love grows stronger as the time goes by

Cross my heart and hope to die

And all those times we're not together

You're in my heart and you're on my mind

You're like a part of me that's missing

I cross my heart and hope to die

(From Cross My Heart written by Rachel Dennison, Randy Parton, and Frank Dycus)

It's been a long dark night

And I've been a waitin' for the morning

It's been a long hard fight

But I see a brand new day a dawning

I've been looking for the sunshine

'Cause I ain't seen it in so long

But everything's gonna work out just fine

Everything's gonna be all right

That's been all wrong

'Cause I can see the light of a clear blue morning

I can see the light of a brand new day

I can see the light of a clear blue morning

And everything's gonna be all right

It's gonna be okay

(from Light of A Clear Blue Morning written by Dolly Parton)

"The thing that's always worked for me is the fact that I look so totally artificial, but am so totally real. It gives me something to work against. I have to overcome myself. I have to prove how good I am."
— London Independent, June 2002

"Hard core" boarding

2007-02-11T23:19:00.000-05:00

I haven't written much here in about a week - once again I had a week filled with good and bad. Luckily it was mostly good, unfortunately the really bad at the end of the week is making me feel awful...but I won't go into that here. Anyway.

Today I decided to hit the slopes with a few pals - and of course attempt to snowboard, something I've only done once before in my life over a year ago! So I borrowed some sweet sweet equipment from my friend Alison and I went.

The day was good overall - we got there in really good time, and we managed to get on the hill just before 3 pm. Of course, our first run of the day was down a much bigger hill than I was on last year and to my surprise I didn't fall down getting off the lift. Challenge number one conquered! Woo! That definately boosted my confidence. I couldn't believe it! I could actually keep myself standing and concentrate on working my toe edge. That was the first run!
Now, part of this I generally attribute to having much better equipment than the crappy rental I used last year, but obviously I learned something!

For most of the day I kept a good just above newbie pace with my friend Paulo and my new friend Sam. We pushed ourselves to go on the bigger hill and to work on the right technique. Sam was super impressive - she'd never been on a board before and was keeping up to everything going on! Wow. Paulo was working it really well too. It was good to feel like I was doing to right kinda steps (yes, not too much but still babysteps). But of course, we did end up with a few bumps and bruises. My crowning moment was when I was just getting the hand of a toe edge uphill turn around a snow bank - I was doing really well then overcompensated by putting too much pressure on the edge. I slammed foward into the snow bank, smacking my eye and leaving a mark. (See picture - and yes, that is a real scratch!) I definately looked more hard core after that!

So, yes, I had a really good day! Nearer to the end when my friends KJC and Adam finally met up with us, I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty tired and my legs were starting to rebel, but we pushed on! I got in a few more runs before we had to leave to get Sam back to Toronto to catch a bus at 10:30. Ha! We left at 8:30 and didn't think we were gonna make it - but we did, with literally 30 seconds to spare - she got the bus and it was a good end to the day.

Now I'm here, blogging, nursing/counting my bruises and I'm ready to go to bed with just enough good memories to get me through tomorrow.

Something to think about

2007-02-04T23:52:00.000-05:00

Oh God, where are you now?
by Sufjan Stevens

oh God, hold me now
oh Lord, hold me now
there's no other man who could raise the dead
so do what you can to anoint my head

oh God, where are you now?
oh Lord, say somehow
the devil is hard on my face again
the world is a hundred to one again

would the righteous still remain?
would my body stay the same?

oh God, hold me now
oh God, touch me now
there's no other man who could save the dead
there's no other God to place our head

would the righteous still remain?
would my body stay the same?

there's no other man who could raise the dead
so do what you can to anoint my head

oh God, hold me now
oh Lord, touch me now

Holding out for a Hero

2007-02-04T23:05:00.000-05:00

Tonight after church me a fun crew (Tim, dr/., Alannah, Adrian, and K) went out for a bite. All I really wanted was a burger - so, we decided to hit up Hero Burger at Queen and Palmerston. Such a good idea. The food was good, the gent at the counter was super helpful and we had a fun time.

I like this hero fresh from the grill.

Save Evil Dead The Musical

2007-02-02T00:33:00.000-05:00

Go see it! My friend's Chris, Frank and George wrote it, and it's great! It's gonna close on the 17th if you don't go! Please - tell everyone!

All the Men in My Life (keep getting killed by Candarian Demons)

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I haven't felt much like posting

2007-02-01T23:42:00.000-05:00

But I've been feeling a lot lately - it's been an emotional rollercoaster ride this week. Ups and downs at work, same in my personal life. It's like I'm trying to rub a shark the wrong way - I'm slightly confused as to what I'm doing, and sometimes it just hurts like hell (see science lesson below).

Science Lesson of the day on my favourite animal:
Did you know a shark's skin is really quite rough? It's made up a of a s a matrix of tiny, hard, tooth-like structures called dermal denticles or placoid scales. These denticles have a plate-like base supporting a main body composed of dentine with an enameloid capping and a central pulp cavity. Thing of them like curved, grooved teeth and make the skin a very tough armor with a texture like sandpaper. The apex of the denticles points toward the tail which is why a shark feels relatively smooth when stroked from head to tail, but rough when stroked in the opposite direction. These scales also help the shark swim more quickly because their streamlined shapes helps decrease the friction of the water flowing along the shark's body, by channeling it through grooves. Also, the shark's skin is so rough that contact with it can injure prey. Some people have been known to sustain cuts and injuries from being "bumped" by sharks. (Yes, I know this because I love sharks!)

Good moves

2007-01-28T23:24:00.000-05:00

It's Sunday morning, I'm waking up...

2007-01-28T15:01:00.000-05:00

I slept in until about 13 minutes ago. Figures. I've had a long weekend. After the couch deal, I lost and/or had my wallet stolen on Friday. The last night I had a rough conversation.

There was a lot of fun too, but I just felt tired about everything today, so I chose to not get up until now.

Maybe church will be better.

Apparently not a bad decision

2007-01-25T17:30:00.000-05:00

So I came home early today (thanks to M for the ride) and I checked on the newly grounded kitties. I was half expecting them to have found something to rip into. I was so totally wrong. I opened the door, and they had both found happy new sleeping places. We sat together, I gave them some love and then I got a few great pics of the littles ones.

And this is why it's impossible for me to completely hate them.

Last kitty hair

2007-01-24T23:49:00.000-05:00

So, tonight I noticed the very thing I did not want to see...the cats have gotten to my couch. The entire bottom netting has be ripped and there are some small, but annoying claw marks on the front of the couch. Argh! Yes, they are small, but in principle, it's the last thing I wanted. I haven't finished paying for my couch yet! And they've gotten my curtains, my shelves, my potted plant and my imitation leather chair. The couch was too much.

They are currently locked in the freshly stripped bare bathroom. (With a blanket, food, water and litter box). This is their new home when I'm asleep or not home.

Sigh. Cute cats, but a little bit psycho.

A rotten day with a peaceful end

2007-01-23T11:24:00.000-05:00

Nothing went right again today. Most of my colleagues were cranky pants too. It's kinda too bad. Oh well. At least my girl time with the neighbourinos was totally awesome.

Yay to girls. Yay to girl prayers. Yay to God.

Tantrum Smantrum

2007-01-21T23:24:00.000-05:00

Ugh.

Today didn't start out well. I fell asleep with my contact lenses in. I woke up with them stuck to my totally blood shot eyes. Then I had to clean up after the kittens. I don't think I'll ever get used to having to sweep up kitty litter every morning and night. Then I showered. Seem ok so far, right? Yeah, gets worse...

I sit down on my bed. The bed frame shifts and my boxspring hit the floor. So did I. GAH! I very noisily start to try and fix this issue. I have to pull off the mattress, I move the boxspring. Can I feel any worse? I'm already overtired and feeling frustrated. I take a minute to check my computer - what??? It's not recognizing the internet/my airport express hardware anymore. Shit! I can't handle it. I call Rachel and get the number for Apple. I find out I'm on set up. GAH!

I start to yell and scream. Today sucks. The first Mac help guy does nothing because I don't have the purchase date on hand. I yell at him and practically hang up. I take a minute, find the date and call back. I get Sam. Sam helps me fix the issue. I thank him. I fix my bed and clean my room. I breathe.

What tantrum?

Breakfast of champions

2007-01-20T13:05:00.000-05:00

This morning I woke up, kinda tired, but smiling after a great evening out at the Drake with M and his crew. (Happy birthday Kenneth, and props to BK for organizing). I rolled out of bed, played with the now tamer kitties, and then shower and headed out for breakfast with Kevin, Adam and Alain. So random but so much fun!

Turns out the boys had a really crazy night last night too - the most of which was apparent by the lovely look to Adam's face this morning. Seems he threw up and threw down all in the name of JD. Hahaha! So hilarious! Breakfast was good - good conversation about life, politics and making a difference in the world. Really appreciated. It's good to know that there is conversation out there that isn't just about relationships and poo.

Trying out a new look

2007-01-17T00:26:00.000-05:00

It's been a year, and I've upgraded my blogger account, so why not make it look different.

Cheers.

Adventures in Kittysitting

2007-01-15T00:29:00.000-05:00

As of this past Friday, I have been babysitting my friend Shawn's cats. They are two adorable tabbies - both male and moderately sized. Really gorgeous. But yes, they have been an adventure indeed. You see, a little while ago I agreed to help Shawn out while he's in Cuba by taking his cats here at my place. I'd only met them once before, but I mean, seriously, how hard could this be? Well, I've learned it's a lot of fun, but it's a real adventure too!

It's been two days since Shawn dropped the kittens off, and I've barely seen them. The one, Muffin, likes to hide so I expected that. The second, Shanks, is a little more curious, but also has been mostly MIA. Tonight when I got back from FT and a movie, I found Shanks walking around and we shared a moment - he purred and let me pet him, aww...However, I did notice something else the minute I walked in - a new not so nice acrid smell of cat. Eww! One or both of the cats had sprayed in my bathroom and the smell was overwhelming. Not cool. So, what does this mean? Well, internet research (ie Googling) suggests they aren't comfortable here yet and they are trying to make the best of their stress. Makes sense, but me no likey the smell! Further reading suggest that cats are apt to spray bedding, etc and I'm so no down with that. So I opted to bar the kitties out of my bedroom. Easier said than done.

I managed to get both kittens into my living room area, that was fine, until I noticed one thing - Muffin was unusually MIA, as in I couldn't spot him anywhere. Not cool. Finally I spied him - he was stuck between the wall and radiator under my window - the one radiator that is encased in wood! AHHH! It was a this point I began to panick! I couldn't leave him there all night! He was stuck! So here I am at 11:15 at night, with a cat behind stuck in a hot spot. So, I called for reinforcements - my lovely neighbourino, Johanna. She came over and between the two of us, we dismantled my shelfing and the wooden casing on the radiator enough so that we could pull Muffin free. He of course was scared shitless and spilt, totally ripping my hand with his claw! Ugh.

What an adventure. Good news is the cats are both safe - Muffin has since let me pet him and hold him, and Shanks has been hanging out and cleaning himself (which Jo says is a sign he's comfortable). Sigh - here's holding out for the next adventure, and here's to learning not to sleep the whole night through anymore.

Kitty steps.

Piecemeal

2007-01-08T19:42:00.000-05:00

Ever take yourself too seriously?

I think I have been lately. Maybe. It's just funny. I read things like my post from yesterday, something I wrote in a rather melodramatic moment, and I wonder what people must thing when reading my blog. Really. Are they afraid I'm a little "too intense"? It's hard to say. I mean, this blog is really just a projection of thoughts and musings - a means to express to the world. Sometimes it's just a nice little amusing diary of crap. That's what a diary is really - crap. (Thanks Bridget Jones). Who knows.

Maybe not of this is "real". Who knows. Would I sit here and express everything like this in conversation, and if I did would people care to hear it? So people care to read it? And if so, what is the effect?

Mostly it's just funny because blogging is a snapshot of thoughts. It's little rants about whatever and well, yes, they can be weighted, but they aren't everything. They aren't the whole picture. They are little pieces of piecemeal that are carted off with the eyes. They are a dusty window, but not a door to the soul.

If you really wanna know me, just ask me.

And that is all I have to say about that.

(Oh, and M, yes, this was inspired by our convo, but not in a bad way). :)

Overwhelmed/Sabotage

2007-01-08T00:09:00.000-05:00

Tonight I'm feeling a little emotional and overwhelmed.

It's not something that easy to explain, other than it relates to a tough moment of having to face something I hate to admit: I need something.

That may sound simply enough to admit, but this isn't just something flippant I am saying. This is an incredibly stubborn and proud person, who loves to solve every little problem, and love to be "fine" saying, nay screaming - I need something, I cannot do this right by me or even by God. I am broken.

Ugh - even what I am writing is too cryptic to even really make sense - sorry readers. I'm trying to find a balance between expressing my inner thoughts and keeping myself from blurting out certain things I should keep to myself into the virtual world.

Tonight, or this weekend rather, I had a couple of different things happen to me. Most of them were good - most of them involved a slight change of heart - things that have touched my jaded/scarred heart and have said "Yes, there are truly amazing things out there - things you DESERVE. The desires of your heart are not wrong." Things like having a true best Christian girl friend, having a weekend with new and old friends, having an awesome learning moment with God. All great things.

So why am I feeling so overwhelmed and that I'm not sure what to do with myself? Am I running scared from being loved? Am I cheating myself with ingrained wordly thoughts that are telling me that I don't deserve these things? Am I simply being sabotaged by the Dark?

I don't know. No, that's not true. I do know in some ways. God help me, but I do. And what I don't know He will show me...but still...

I've been set to thinking about the ugly/dark things in me that have come bubbling to the surface this past little while. Emotions and hurt that are related to present circumstances, past circumstances, and worst of all childhood circumstances. You know what I mean - we all have them - little knotches or scars to wounds that we nurse/hide/heal in our hearts and minds. I see them building up into a wall around me and I am feeling like I am screaming from one side to the other. I see the light through the cracks and I want over or around this, but I am just not strong enough.

Sabotage.

But the major thing is that I do see the light. I am fully faithful that if I hack at this wall long enough it will fall down because this is God's will. I don't deserve God's grace and love, but yet this makes me a person all the more in need of it. I am want nothing else that to be the woman I am in Christ.

Prayer.

Until I am, world, please be careful with me. I'm just not that strong sometimes.

More mice madness

2007-01-07T13:30:00.000-05:00

Sometimes there are things in life you should just continue to be blissfully unaware of. Like fecal matter on your toothbrush (see this episode of Mythbusters) or that your comforter in a hotel room probably wasn't washed between hotel guests. Again, these are not things you want to think about.

Well, I stumbled upon a situation like that this weekend. I hate originally come home on Saturday night to get a good night of sleep. I simply thought to a couple of quick household chores before bed, the major one being cleaning up and moving the mouse poison I have set out in my kitchen seeing as this week I am set to babysit two lovely kitties in my home. I don't want to poison them. Makes sense, right? Well....

In this little clean up, I stumbled on a very nasty thing - the real home of the last set of mice in my house. It seems they no longer liked the original cupboard they were in, and moved across to the other one in my kitchen (the one sans food) and they seem to have been having a party. My shopping bag collection was sitting on top of the largest amount of mouse feces I have ever wished to see in my life. Eww. And the worst of it - a dead baby mouse. So, not only had they camped there, they breeded there, and shat there. Double eww.

Now, I am not a squimish person - I am not afraid of mice - dead or alive. I am, however, distincly opposed to living in a ferocious festering fecal forms. In other words, I don't wanna live in shit. So I cleaned. And cleaned, and disinfected, and poisoned, and cleaned and moved the fridge and cleaned (shudder to more poo)...all ending just after 1 am. Ugh. Only to find mouse poo near my garbage can in my bedroom!

YAAAAAAAARGH!

What an adventure. I just hope these cats are mousers.

Boo to being sick

2007-01-03T23:51:00.000-05:00

I'm donating my lungs to the gods of bacterial infections.

No fun.

Especially the awful sounding coughing and sore nose.

No fun infinity.

I hate myself and want to die...

2006-12-29T15:02:00.000-05:00

...is the name of the book my aunt sent to me this Christmas. It's a very witty book all about the author, Tom Reynolds, voted 52 most depressing songs you've ever heard (in fact, that's the second part of the title). The minute I saw the book, I began to chuckle. It's got the saddest looking moth eaten bunny on the cover, and well, if anything it's an interesting title. Then I started reading. Ha!

This book is irresistable when it comes to wanting to read it out loud. Really. I was reading entire chapters to Mum and Wends, and I could barely finish sentences because of laughter. It's the kinda book where you want to quote whole passages because it's just that damn funny. For instance:
"...in order for critics to take you seriously, you had to follow a specific formula:
1. write a song with really depressing lyrics.
2. sing it with a shitty voice."

And that's just in the intro.

Basically, Reynolds breaks up his songs into categories such as:

I Hate Myself and Want to Die - "self-pitying songs in which the singer is under the delusion that his or her personal problems are of great interest to everyone"
She Hates Me, I Hate Her - "a couple's crumbling relationship is put to music, then dumped on listeners, who are expected to act as unpaid therapists"
I Mope, Therefore I Am - a hall of fame of "songs by artists who've built their entire careers out of bumming the shit out of everyone"
Perfect Storms - "the absolute most depressing"; songs of "Live Wolverine Shoved Down my Pants proportions"

If you get a chance, pick up a copy. Trust me, it's worth it.

Merry Christmas sans mices...

2006-12-25T23:28:00.000-05:00

It has been a little while since I've written last on my blog. I've been keeping busy with work and play, mostly work, but that's ok. Off work time has been mainly involving watching movies and wrapping prezzies so I would be ready for today (and she done good!)

However, there are a few highlights worth mentioning from the play side of things. The first was a evening of bands with my friend Shawn - we went to Supermarket to see a variety of bands, but mainly The Postage Stamps. The sound was great, though some of the bands weren't really quite as prepared as they could be. All the same, it was fun to see some new bands. We were pleasantly surprised by a band called The Rest, so much so that we bought the CD. I really enjoy it. I'm really glad I went - I just felt really bad I couldn't pay more attention to the Stamps though - by the time they came on it was almost 1 am, and we were tuckered out. Next time I promise to do better.

Secondly, I got to see Handel's Messiah with FT again. This year it was especially cool because it was actually a different Messiah - yep, it was Mozart's arrangement of Handel's Messiah. Very cool. Apparently, it was very common for people to comission other artists to revamp another composer's work to suit a different audience and what we heard was the product. It's very similar, but more upbeat and it has a lot more choral parts which I, of course, am a big fan off. There were quite a few recognizable "Mozart moments" that I noticed, as it tended to follow a similar style to Mozart's Missa Brevis that I used to sing with my choir in Kingston at Easter. Also, it was kinda neat because a girl I know from Queen's was in the choir, and I could spot her. Maybe next year I should join! :) After the show we all went to Marche and ate food - it was great to sit with Robby J, Sue and Lisa again and to drink Manhattan. It was a NYC moment. Loved it all.

That Sunday, the 17th, was also a special FT celebration. We had a Love Feast. This is something that was done for years, but hasn't happened in a while. Essentially, it's a big feast where all the LRs create a plate of food and we all serve each other. We were even lucky enough this year to share the experience with Grace Church Toronto, as we used their new space. It was very cool. Lots of good food, and all three pastors prepared a little mini-sermon and it was just in the right vein for Christmas. I'm really glad this happened and it worked so well.

That night, however, I did have a small adventure in my own house. I was woken up at 3:30am by scrabbling noises. Now, I live alone, so noises of this sort are all the more frustrating and bothersome. So I get up. Turn out the mice I though that I had gotten rid of have found the food outside my cupboard and were chowing down near my kitchen door. YUCK! In fact, they were so enjoying themselves that were looking straight at me. They finally scampered away, and I set to the task of cleaning up mice poo and half-eaten pasta. Then I set out poison. About 30 min later I hopped back into bed with a chance of two more hours of sleep. But it goes without saying that I couldn't fall asleep again. Sigh...but at least the mice were gone....right? Nope. Turn out they hit up my counter next because I'd left a couple of dirty pots there. Crap. Literally. But at least I didn't discover this until the next day...I guess. Moral of the story: never again will there be a dirty dish left on my counter!

Last week was pretty good. I got to spend two days hanging out with MB at work which was nice, as I very rarely get to see him. We chatted about a few different things, and we had lunch together. Very cool guy. On Thursday, I got to Ryan and Kevin together - we went to see The Primordials, Shawn's band, play at the Boat in Kensington. Very fun. Even rappa-loving-brotha Ry got to dancing. :) Friday night was spent in Oshawa with my girls, and Saturday I came to KW on the train. Serendipitously, I ended up having my friend Michelle who I have been trying to catch up with for months sit next to me, so we had a nice hour long chat. Very cool girl.

The rest of the week is Christmas. It's been good. It's nice to see family and to have some traditions, seeing as there has been a lot of change in my life as of late. The only downer is that Mum and Wends have been really sick, and now Dad's getting a scratchy throat. That is one thing I do not want this Christmas...so, here's hoping to staying well.

Oh, and Merry Christmas!

Now, I must depart, White Christmas is on TV, and well, it's just not Christmas until I've watched a few of my fav numbers.

God bless everyone!

On fasting

2006-12-15T13:40:00.000-05:00

Today I am fasting. Last Sunday, David gave and FT wide call to fast today as a sign of recommiting to God. Love the idea. The practical aspects, not so much.

This is only my second fast ever - the first I did right before my baptism. It was no fun, and it was a bad day in general. I didn't know what to expect, and well, I was a little let down, I think. I had always believed that in fasting I would have some sort of amazing experience where I could feel God near me. I though my life would be changed forever. I thought it was going to be more than in was. In fact, really, I was just hungry, dizzy and cranky.

Maybe that's a part of it. You have to be cranky and feel awful because the task is crappy. It's not meant to feel good, but rather show how much nicer it is when you do have the ability to eat. Today I don't feel nearly as bad as I could though. I'm surviving on nothing but water, and I feel prepared to do this.

Yes, I may complain a little, but it's just another moment to lay my life down and confirm - Yes, man does not live on bread alone.

On Christ the Lord Out of Egypt

2006-12-14T00:45:00.000-05:00

I just finished reading an interesting book called Christ the Lord Out of Egypt by Anne Rice. This is her first book since coming back to Christianity and well, it's a very captivating story. She's an incredibly smart and well researched author. I liked the book, but I expected to as I am a fan of her writing.

What I wasn't expecting, however, was the impact that her afterword had on me. Wow. It makes the whole thing worth reading. In fact, it some of the most well written thoughts on faith and the Gospels that I've read in a long time. I've decided to share some of my favourite parts:

What gradually came clear to me was that many of the skeptical arguments -- arguments that insisted most of the Gospels were suspect, for instance, or written too late to be eyewitness accounts -- lacked coherence. They were not elegant. Arguments about Jesus himself were full of conjecture. Some books were not more than assumptions piled upon assumptions. Absurd conclusions were reached on the basis of little or no data at all.

In sum, the whole case for the nondivine Jesus who stumbled into Jerusalem and somehow got crucified and had nothing to do with the founding of Christianity and would be horrified by it if he knew about it -- that whole pciture which floated in the liberal circles I frequented for thirty years-- that case was not made. Not only was it not made, I discovered in this field some of the worst and most biased scholarship I'd ever read.

I saw almost no skeptical scholarship that was convincing, and the Gospels, shredded by critics, lost all intensity when reconstructed by various theorists. They were in no way compelling when treated as composites and records of later "communities".

I was unconvinced by the wild postulations of those who claimed to be children of Enlightenment. And I had also sensed something else. Many of these scholars, scholars who apparently devoted their life to New Testament scholarship, disliked Jesus Christ. Some pitied him as a helpless failure. Other sneered at him, and some felt an outright contempt. This came between the lines of the books. This emerged in the personality of the texts.

I'd never come across this kind of emotion in any other field of research, at least not to this extent. It was puzzling.

The people who go into Elizabethan studies don't seek out to prove that Queen Elizabeth I was a fool. They don't personally dislike her. They don't make snickering remarks about her, or spend their careers trying to pick apart her historical reputation. They approach her in other ways. They don't even apply this sort of dislike or suspicion or contempt to other Elizabethan figures. If they do, the person is usually not the focus of the study. Occasionally a scholar studies a villain, yes. But even then, the author generally ends up arguing for the good points of a villain or for his or her place in history, or for some mitigating circumstance, that redeems the study itself. People studying disasters in history may be highly critical of the rulers or the milieu at the time, yes. But in general scholars don't spend their lives in the company of historical figures whom they openly despise.

But there are New Testament scholars who detest and despise Jesus Christ.

[...]

Now somewhere during my journey through all of this, as I became disillusioned with the skeptics and with the flimsy evidence for their conclusions, I realized something about my book.

It was this. The challenge was to write about the Jesus of the Gospels, of course!

Anybody could write about a liberal Jesus, a married Jesus, a gay Jesus, a Jesus who was a rebel. The "Quest for the Historical Jesus" had become a joke because of all the many definitions it has ascribed to jesus.

The true challenge was to take the Jesus of the Gospels, the Gospels which were becoming ever more coherent to me , the Gospels, which appealed to me as elegant first-person witness, dictated to scribes no doubt, but definately early, the Gospels produced before Jerusalem fell-- to take the Jesus of the Gospels, and try to get inside of him and imagine what he felt.

- written by Anne Rice, February 24, 2005

I got a new "job" today

2006-12-13T23:43:00.000-05:00

This evening I went to what I thought was an interview about doing props for a children's theatre group. Interestingly enough it was more along the lines of "Yes, you're in, we need you, what can you make with this said prop?"

Random. Guess I'm making something fun over Christmas.

Kindred sillies

2006-12-11T23:28:00.000-05:00

Over the last little while, I've begun to realize just how much I value my friends. I went through a shitty little phase in the summer/fall and I was having a hard time with friendships in general. And well, I feel like that hurt is moving into something new and exciting...something that will teach me to be a better friends. That's exciting. I'm glad of it.

But I do have to say, it's nice that friends don't give up on you. I like having what Anne Shirley would call kindred spirits to share you life with. Or as I like to put it "kindred sillies" - people who love you no matter how silly you are.

Thanks sillies.

Holiday sweaters

2006-12-07T23:23:00.000-05:00

It's been ages, and I've been busy, so excuse the neglecto-blogger once more...

Last Friday, I got invited to one of my favourite things - A THEME PARTY! Woo(t)! Yes, all it was a holiday sweater party. The object of it was to find a hideous holiday sweater, embrace it, and where it. So fun! I got the invite mid-afternoon on Friday, roped in a partner in crime (Eee) and then went to the Sally Anne to get my outfitted. I managed to find a few really great things.

The first was a very awesome light up Christmas tie. Yes, it also play Christmas music. It outfitted Enoch's man vest. I also got a fun gold sweater I would actually wear. Then I got a kids Christmas t-shirt. I would also wear this. And last but not least the hideous sweater. A giant blue frilly/mohair sweater that's out of the 80's. Something borederline ('cause all girls know the object is to be outfitted for the party, yet cute at the same time). It was great. Mostly because my outfits started to outfit half the party, and also because they were useful in the small photo shoot I did to my friend Mae before I went.

Either way, the evening was a success. I had the most fun I've had in a while, and I cherish the memories.

In fact, it's pulling me through another long week of work.

I can't wait 'till Christmas.

Clearly Toronto is a small world.

2006-11-30T00:34:00.000-05:00

Tonight I went to see a rockin' show at the Rivoli played by my pal Colin Munroe. It was a great show and both Colin's band and the opening band were really tight. I was really glad I went. And on top of that, I ran into an old friend from school Anton and let me tell you exactly why it's such a small world.

You see I met Anton at Queen's through my good friend Shamus "Damn I'm" Fynes who was in Bye Bye Birdie with me and who was also in my acting class. All three of us were in Music 121 together (The Social History of Popular Music) and we would sometimes sit together. In the summer of 2004 at Summer Playaz (that Shamus was in), I met Anton's best friend from home Daniel Roberts. Yes, the very same Dan that I ended up loving and dating for a while. As I was dating Dan I met his other best friend Cody very briefly. Cody went to OCAD and was in film and directed Dan in a movie that Dan told me about. Later it turned out that the other director for that movie was my good friend Karl (aka Wendel to them). I found this out about a year ago, and it was kinda strange to put things together with Karl and Dan. Weird.

Move forward to about 2 months ago - Colin was getting his band together and one of the guys in the band was Josh Lyon. Both of these boys got to FT with me and Karl. Josh is friends with another band member, Adam, and because of him spent a year living with Cody and Dan. I found this out because I had posted a pic of me and Dan on my Flickr site and Josh commented on it. I thought that was weird too. Then tonight I went to see Colin play and who is there but Anton and Cody to see their friend Adam play. Weird.

Small world, isn't it?

Bad nettiquette?

2006-11-29T00:19:00.000-05:00

So, I added pics of my trip to Kingston with friends without asking permission. I was told this was bad etiquette - what do we all think out there?

Giving into to some temptation

2006-11-28T23:51:00.000-05:00

I can't wait to decorate my house for Christmas - I'm just itching to decorate...and well, I'm slowly winning the fight. Well, sorta. You see, I set myself a goal to not decorate until December starts - yep, so I wait until Friday. Tonight I gave in and put up some lights.

That's not so bad, right?

2006-11-26T14:04:00.000-05:00

Ben inspiration

Thanks to DC for finding this. It's pure GOLD!

Steel Shank

2006-11-22T00:05:00.000-05:00

Last Sunday night, me and my MTL crew (MN & DC) watched a great movie called Kinky Boots. The premise of the movie is as follows: a son inherits a struggling men shoe company from his father and doesn't know what to do with the failure. Someone suggests finding a niche market, and by hapenstance, he finds one in the most unlikely place: with a drag queen! Women's boots aren't made to support the weight of a man - why can't there be sexy boots made to do so? Fun story, and based on true events nonetheless. Anyway - to my point. In one scene, a very conservative looking older worker, whom the "boss" sercretly believes is judging him, all of a sudden spout off a great idea for solving the weight vs. stiletto problem: a steel shank (from toe to heel). It was such a golden line, DC and MN decided to take it on as a symbol of all great breakthroughs. Steel shank.

So today I was thinking about a sermon David had last week at FT. The was talking about putting Jesus into the dark part of your life, and being willing to accept His working in your life. And I just thought of something - Jesus is my steel shank. Very cool. He holds me together and supports me, and well, takes every step with me.

I like that.

I really should be sleeping

2006-11-19T00:46:00.000-05:00

I'm still awake, messing around on the internet. Heavens I am a junkie because I miss my blog and My Space and Facebook, etc when I haven't checked them in a while. I just got back from Montreal tonight. It was a great week, and I'm really glad I went. I really had a chance to get to know MN and DC better, and to meet some of the people I email at work all the time but whom I've never met. Plus I did lots of good fun things - good eats, shopping, and the like. It was really good. I'd forgotten how much I love Montreal, seeing as I used to go there almost every second year when growing up. It's got a great vibe to it, and there are great places to eat, and there's French around you. Love it.

All that being said, I'm glad to be home. It's been a long week in more ways than one, and I'm glad to have my bed back. I'm glad I'm going to see some of my friends at church tomorrow. I've missed them - really. I kept picturing them with me in Montreal. I guess that's a good sign. :)

And I'll be really glad to have church. Church is really good after a long week. I just really, really hope it will be bearable and comfortable. I hope I see God there. I know He will be there, I just hope to see Him and feel His presence. I've been missing that too.

Now to bed...

Adventuring once again

2006-11-13T22:46:00.000-05:00

I am once again becoming a traveller - getting out of the T-dot and doing something different. I just need to go, to get out, and well this weekend and week is a great opportunity. You see friends - I am currently sitting in Montreal, blogging from a colleague`s home computer. (Yay, MN!) She kindly let me stay with her after a last minute decision to come to Montreal after going to Kingston this weekend to hang out with my work crew. I`m loving it. I haven`t been here since I was in first year (other than some rather forgettable flights in from JetsGo). Not only is it great to work from here with my Montreal crew, but I also have had a chance to catch up with my friend Genviève (one of the memorable things from JetsGo). Pictures and craziness will follow.

New York Pics

2006-11-09T00:12:00.000-05:00

As a tribute to my finally finished New York trip post (see below), I wanted to highlight my pics of the trip. You can see the full glory on my Flickr site, but here is a lovely slide show as a preview.

Get Your Own! | View Slideshow

Haikus

2006-11-07T23:41:00.000-05:00

a very fine line lies
in between love and hate
nothing is easy

beaten black and blue
our hearts seek love possible
but it eludes us

Retail therapy

2006-11-06T23:42:00.000-05:00

I love Sonic Boom. Tonight I picked up some tunes at a great price:

Bob Marley - Legend
Radiohead - Amnesiac
Radiohead - OK Computer
Radiohead - Hail to the Theif
The Fugees - The Score

It's totally Radiohead in the lead, but the albums were in great condition and CHEAP! Plus, I don't own them, just have them on my iPod thanks to Karl. So, I'm happy..ish.

I feel like a trainwreck.

2006-11-06T00:48:00.000-05:00

Maybe it was the junkfood. Maybe it was the sappy movie. Maybe it's facing work after a week's vacation. Maybe not.

In any case, I feel really rotten. And lonely.

But mostly rotten.

I think I'm a bad friend. I don't stay in touch, I say things maybe I shouldn't. I screw things up, and I feel sad and poisonous inside.

And that's what makes me feel rotten.

So, I'm sorry all. For all the crap, and the hurt. I'm sorry.

I promise to do better. Don't give up on me.

Still unsure

2006-11-01T02:56:00.000-05:00

I think I've made a bad move. And that might mean I've lost a friend. I don't know.

I just pray that's not the case.

I just don't know.

And that was NYC baby

2006-11-01T02:44:00.000-05:00

I'm here, I'm home. Back on Canadian soil. I got back at about 1:30 AM last night after our very hefty drive home - thanks Lisa! We made it, and we had a great time! I've loved this birthday trip. Wow. And now, the details:

Friday morning, we hit the road at the "ass crack of dawn", as Sue would say, and by crack, we do mean that the sun had not yet risen. I was picked up just after 6 AM, we got coffee and were on the Gardiner at 6:40 rolling allong. We hit the border about 10ish, and we were off through Buffalo and into upstate New York. From here we had a good adventure seeing as our lovely navigator Robby J had a fun route mapped out for us along smaller highways through the countryside. We ended up seeing the likes of town like Fishes Eddy and Owego among others, and the scenery was great. We passed the Finger Lakes, and at one point we were even straddling Pennsylvania. We made good time, and we hit close to the destination around 4:30ish, making it into New York City without a stitch of traffic thanks to Robby J's "secret" ways. Awesome! There were were riding across the George Washington bridge. Hello New York!

Our first stop the hostel that Rob and I were staying at Jazz on Lenox at 128th and Lenox, which is basically in "deepest darkest" Harlem. I know, I know, most people are thinking we're nuts to be staying there, but really, it's a great area. It was clean and friendly, and it's a place that's got such history. Imagine, we were around the corner from the Appollo theatre. Luckily the place seem safe and clean, and we were all set. Then we dropped off Sue in Morningside Heights to stay with her friends and we got dressed there for an evening out. Now, this was also an adventure. Really we spent more time being cranky girls in heels in the rain than sociable at the club. This is because it turn out that the street we were on was quite long, and to get to our intersection was too far to walk. No cabs were coming, and we didn't know what subway stop to hit and ended up walking in and out of the subway about 5 times. Gah! Finally we got to our destination, met Lisa's friends, and had a drink (which I couldn't finish as I was falling asleep - this was hour 20 of being awake!) Eventually we left, made it home safe and crawled into bed.

The next morning, Rob and I decided to have breakfast together before I headed out to meet my friend Andrei for the day. We picked one from his book, it was reasonably close (83rd and Broadway), and it was the same place where Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks meet in You've Got Mail. Very cool. The breakfast turned out to be AMAZING! I'm still dreaming about it! Rob had a shitake mushroom quishe and I ate a "British breakfast" which consisted of steamed eggs and a raisin scone with Devon cream and fruit preserves. So good. After breakfast we walked from 83rd to 59th and I met Andrei for the day. That was fun. Andrei was very good at showing me around the city and making sure I saw interesting places and quirky things. We walked and talked a lot. I saw Studio 54, Zigfield Theatre, the Theatre District, Times Square and he took me to see some interesting things in Greenwich Village. It was nice. Really nice. Especially because sometimes it seems interesting that Andrei and I ended up friends. Most people thought we wouldn't ever be friends. But we are, and I think he's fantastic. ;)

Later on in the afternoon, Andrei went on his way to see his friend, and I ventured on the subway to meet up with Lisa, Sue and Rob in Brooklyn. Little did I know they were going to be late and I was going to get stuck in a rather sketchy seeming area of town with a full bladder! Luckily I found a decent looking establishment, made a lame excuse about meeting friends, used the bathroom and left. Ha! Well played, I say. Once we all got together, we hit up Grimaldi's Pizzeria for dinner. Another great meal. The place is one of two remaining coal fired pizza places left in NYC, both of which boast of being the oldest. Either way, it was fantastic! We ordered two large pizzas and two carafs of red wine to start. The owner, a very gregarious Italian, took a liking to our table and especially to Sue, so he kept coming over and visiting us. We then were convinced to order dessert and coffee. Again, so good! It was a great meal.

After dinner, despite the cold, Sue, Rob and I decided to tough out the walk across the Brooklyn Bridge. It was so windy that it almost felt like we were going to blow off, but it was definately worth it! The view is very cool, especially at night. And were weren't even the only ones trying to cross. I can't believe we made it! Check out some pics:

Sunday, my birthday, was packed with church, brunch at a great place called Chumley's in The Village, and then lots and lots of walking. We headed to SoHo, NoHo, The Village - everywhere. It was awesome. I got myself a great pair of boots (I've been looking for some new black ones) and also a necklace from a vendor on the street. After a brief rest, Sue, Rob and I headed to the main event of the day: Evil Dead the Musical. Wow - now that was a crazy experience. I started out working with Chris Bond about 5 years ago on Pirates of Penzance for QMT, and now him and some other boys that I know have written their own musical and landed on Broadway. Really. Although it wasn't necessarily their taste, both Rob and Sue made the best of their first Broadway experience and they got to meet Chris, George and Frank (director, librettist and composer respectively). Then it was dinner and home. Special props goes out to George "Tough Guy Tequila" Rienblatt for stopping by to help me celebrate my 25th.

Monday, our last day, was a nice day for all of us to get out and do our own thing. We had breakfast together and then we split off to get a few things done. I wanted to explore Central Park, and after a brief wrong turn to Riverside Park and a lot of walking, I was proud to say I'd spent some time sitting in the park, taking in a gorgeous day. Then it was a sneaky pit stop at the Museum of Natural History, and I hit the subway to get to Magnolia Bakery in The Village to get me some lovely, lovely world famous cupcakes. (And yes, they are the cupcakes featured here). After that we met up and faced the long drive home - but of course not without a stop to the Duty Free to get scotch for the girs and port for Rob. Lisa drove like a pro, and there we were, back in Toronto.

Happy Birthday to me!

Happy Halloween

2006-11-01T01:57:00.000-05:00

I just got back in from a night of scary movies and dinner with friends. It was a great way to spend the evening and it was a nice relazed Halloween. Next year, if I'm in the country, I promise I will dress up. I miss that.

Happy Halloween all!

And the adventure begins.

2006-10-26T16:52:00.000-04:00

There are 3 days left before my birthday. I am leaving at the crack of dawn to go to New York City with my lovely friends Sue, Lisa and Robby J. We are driving down and are going to have a HUGE adventure. I can't wait. I can't believe it's actually happening. I'm going to be in NYC for the first time since I was in grade 11. I am going to see my friend Andrei. I am going to see Evil Dead The Musical on Broadway for my Birthday.

Wicked, awesome, cool.

Impromptu Girls Night!

2006-10-25T16:37:00.000-04:00

Thank goodness for girls. On Monday night, my friend Kate called me with a delightful proposition. After all the adventures over the last few weeks, we haven't had any real time to chat, and so she proposed and impromptu girls night. Excellent. Always a rare thing, and I was very happy to oblige. So, I met up with her after another meeting and we headed two get two very essential things: 1) a cheesy romantic comedy and 2) a bottle of wine. The movie was Just My Luck with Lindsay Lohan and the wine was a Naked Grape Chardonnay. Truly a great combination. We got a little tipsy, watched the rather silly, but quite enjoyable movie and chatted.

Thanks Kate, I needed that.

Musings of a drama queen.

2006-10-23T00:23:00.000-04:00

Today I'm angry. And I never know how to truly productively deal with anger. Sometimes my anger scares me. Sometimes it just burts out. I don't like that. I don't like my trantrum/violent tendencies when angry. But nonetheless, I am angry.

Once again I've been hurt. I didn't want to be. I tried to protect myself but it all got jumbled in the mess of life. It's complicated. I don't know how to fix it. I almost wish I had just scraped my knee instead of letting the heart and mind get involved. Those are the hurts that scar the most.

And the anger is just salt in the wound.

I keep thinking baby steps. But the steps are the same. And I'm floundering. And I'm tired. And I don't want to hurt anymore.

But I can't run away. That's just an easy temporary fix. But are you running away when you're taking time to dust yourself off?

I just don't know.

I guess I just have to stop being afraid to get the hands dirty, pray, and be patient.

Couldn't be happier!

2006-10-22T23:22:00.000-04:00

So it's over and done, and it was a really great show. Wicked is definately worth seeing. I am so glad that I got a chance to go. In fact, I couldn't be happier! :)

The night was just lovely. My friend and I went to dinner and then got coffee before heading over to the theatre. It was packed with excited people, and we were in a good section on the Mezzanine. And then it started, and it was great. The costumes and technical aspects were really good, and the cast did a phenomenal job. My only criticism is that it seemed a tad slow on the pick up, but once it got going, it really went. I was really impressed at how they took Gregory Maguire's book and made it work onstage. I won't go into too much detail about what happens, mostly because there are a few plot twists that are just worth waiting for. (It also explains why there is not summary in the CD cover). But yes - got see it!

Thanks again, friend. This was a truly great birthday gift.

7 more days.

2006-10-22T23:05:00.000-04:00

Birthday countdown is still a-go-go.

More excitement!

2006-10-20T09:21:00.000-04:00

I love it when life turns around and starts being good again. Really. This week has been much better. I went from feeling in the dregs to feeling on top of the heap. Woo! So, to add to the excitement of going to see Wicked TOMORROW, I also got an email last night from a good friend who lives in NYC. I emailed him in the desperate attempt to get his number so I can meet up with him next week when I'm going to be in town. He rarely checks his email, but I though I would try. Lo and behold a day later I got a response, and his number! Woo! And I also got a couple of lovely email recently from a friend who's in Germany and I'm so glad we've gotten back in touch! Woo!

Plus, it's FRIDAY and there are only 9 days to my birthday! Woo!

I can't sit still.

Musical obsession

2006-10-19T14:02:00.000-04:00

I really cannot wait for Saturday. I've been listening to clips of the show from the web, and I am so excited. I've been wanting to go for ages. This is going to be awesome. Argh...I can barely contain myself today. I want to be at home cranking my CD and singing and dancing in my living room. I want to defy gravity! Woo!

p.s. 10 days to my birthday.

Best present ever!

2006-10-17T21:40:00.000-04:00

Last night I got a really amazing early b-day present. I've got tickets to see Wicked! I can't wait. I've been wanting to go for ages! It's going to be wicked awesome cool.

Thanks friend. You rock!

Rachel's cottage: The continuing story

2006-10-15T23:20:00.000-04:00

"Hey Felicity, wanna come entertain me on Saturday when I go to get my cottage ready to be shut down?"

It started innocently enough...

Yesterday I got "suckered" into accompanying Rachel to her cottage for part of the day so we could clean out the fridge, etc and get it ready for the winter. Really, it just means making sure you leave nothing available for the mice to have a party with. So, I agreed. There is no harm in a road trip. Our initial plan was to leave at 11 am and stay for the day and come back in the evening. Ha! Initial plan being the operative words. Because I had to get my hair cut at 11, we pushed that back to noon, and well, we were flexible. So, my hair got cut, some errands were run, and some food was eaten. In the end we left the city at 2 pm!

The ride up to the cottage was relatively uneventful except that we seemed to hit every single type of weather possible on the way there. First it was dreary cloudy weather with sun in the distance, next it was a sprinkling of rain. Then came sun, next came a downpour of rain, then came hail! Luckily Rachel drove like a pro, and inside the couch we had Ben Folds keeping us going. (Yay Song for Silverman!) Finally we pulled into the cottage safe and sound around 5 pm. It was such a contast to see the autumn leaves on the ground a bare trees, but it was lovely.

Just as I was taking in the view I suddenly here "Oh Holy Shit!" I'm thinking there can't be anything wrong now, we're safe...and then Rachel says "I forgot the keys to the cottage in Toronto!" WHAT?!?! Oh my goodness. It was almost surreal. Really funny, but surreal. We paused, and decided not to give up after our 2 hr drive. So, we get into the covered porch and check out the locked cottage door - how do we pick this? For a few minutes we played with tools, which were luckily outside, an tried to get in. Then while Rachel was on the phone to engineering/possible deliquent type friends in Toronto I decided to investigate other ways of getting in.

So, I went checked out the cabin. I tried the screen door, and thought about other windows. Then it struck me - the windows near the dining area! I ran over to Rachel and screamed "I've got a plan!" and set about my task. With a little craftiness, I managed to get the screen to come off one of the windows at the back and wanted to desperately get the window open. Luckily after a little playing, I managed to get the window to open as well. Now the next step was deciding how to get my body in - would I fit? I decided there was no better way then head first. I launched myself in. Just as this moment, Rachel came back to see my arse in the air half-way in her cottage. She laughed and said "Let me in!" And that is how we managed to start our cottage adventure.

Once we got in, we got the hot water and baseboard heaters working. Next step - a nice fire to warm the house up. I managed to get a fire lit, and we sat in our coats under blankets and decided to watch Sleepless in Seattle. Of course, at this point we were a little hungry, but didn't really feel like heading into town for dinner supplies. We were fortunate to find some frozen burger and buns among the condiments, so we decided to settle for that. (Little did I know they weren't completely frozen before Rachel defrosted them - not until she asked the next day! Oi! I swear she's trying to poison everyone!)

By this time, things were getting a little warmer in the cottage. My goal was to maintain the fire to keep us warm, but I was having some trouble. All they dry logs in the cabin were thick and were burning really slowly. I wasn't about to get a hatchet and chop them on the hearth, so I settled for trying to improvise. I managed to find a nice flat board to burn, tucked in the back. I do admit it was a little big for the fireplace, but still, it would burn. And burn it did. But in doing so it filled the cabin with smoke to such a degree we had to open the window to let cold air in and the smoke out. Oops! Of course, I didn't want to give up my piece of wood, but finally I caved to Rachel's reason. I took the lonely, burning log and threw it over the balcony into the wet leaves. And no, it did not catch on fire, but it was pretty funny.

The rest of the night was significantly better. We watched Mr. Holland's Opus, ate our not-so-poisonous burgers, and just layed low. Rachel and I had a good talk about stuff, and I also got a chance to work on a project I've been meaning to start for a while now. It was good. I managed to find some better logs to burn and built the fire up right before we crawled under tons of covers on the sofas next to the fire. And we slept.

We got up early the next morning with the intention of leaving for home early, aiming to be back around 10 or 11. We left at 9:30. We took an hour long pit stop in Barrie for coffee, dollar store goodies, and we even looked in Winners. We left the parking lot in Barrie at 11:55. We arrived at Allan Road at 12:32. Go Rachel! It was a good drive, the weather was much better, and we arrived safely. No gut rot, no overly smoked out lungs, happier and in good stead.

Thanks for a great time, Ms. Beck.

This birthday is still coming...

2006-10-15T23:09:00.000-04:00

14 more days.

God, love and pie

2006-10-11T13:36:00.000-04:00

Are all good.

Chugosh and I are in agreement.

:)

All I can do

2006-10-11T10:08:00.000-04:00

This song played on the radio this morning, and I really like the lyrics:

When you're on your own
When you're at a fork in the road
You don't know which way to go
There's too many signs and arrows
You haven't laughed in a while
When you can't even fake a smile
When you feel ashamed
The uniform don't make you brave

All I can do is love you to pieces
Give you a shoulder to cry when you need it
When the day is long and the night is coming down on you
All I can do
All I can do
All I can do

The hermit emerges.

2006-10-09T23:22:00.000-04:00

So, faithful readers, here are the lame excuses for being a bad writer these days. They are lame, but true.

1) I've been sick.
2) I've been really busy, at work especially.
3) I've been preoccupied with fixing up my house.

Side note, three weeks to my birthday, or 20 days, actually. Cool.

Rollercoaster of Love...

2006-10-01T23:19:00.000-04:00

Once again, I am stuck thinking about love. God and love. After all this time, you'd think that I'd becoming to more of an understanding. Alas, I definately find the opposite. The more and more that I seek true love, love as intending by God, the more I find I am confused. And I'm happy and I'm sad all at the same time. It's a roller coaster.

So, of love, most of us are familiar with the following biblical definition:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rud, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delieght in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

These familiar words have been said so often that it becomes easy to forget the weight of what they really saying. What do they mean to you?

I try to stop and think about that occaisionally. In a words where loving someone or being in love seems so much more hightened an experience that what I have practically lived through myself, I wonder how we become sidetracked into viewing infatuation as love. But tonight, I don't want to dwell on that.

Tonight I want to site and think about practical Godly love. Love than may orignate as an interest or desire and has to move forward into something more. Love that is a choice, love that is a sacrifice, love that is without fear. Love that means more. How does it work?

I am absolutely convinced that loving someone takes a concious effort. You have to be able to be aware of yourself and of them, and you have to learn to be gracious, patient, and to truly love them as God intented. To follow God is a choice, so therefore, doesn't it just make sense that love should be a choice too. Yes, of course, faith does also come with emotion and being in the Spirit, but sometimes I wonder if we don't spend so much time in the emotion of faith that we forget to be practical about it. To make the same point, we do the same with love.

Those who are long term readers know that I often weigh up what love really means today. We are so wrapped up in thunderbolts and fantasy that we forget they don't last forever. Yes, you may feel that way when you first meet someone, but at some point there has to be something that keeps generating the sparks. Something more substantial. And that's where we have to start making choices.

Maybe I just need to understand practical love.

Nuit Blanche

2006-10-01T23:14:00.000-04:00

Last night was a crazy night. The city of Toronto was a buzz of activity, even more than usual. And when the city is like that you can't just sit idle.

So I didn't.

The evening started off with going to see a play called Tiny Dinamite by Abi Morgan with my friends Blake and Galen. It's being put on by a new theatre group called Theatre Smash that some Queen's Alum and others have put together. Very cool. I happen to know the director and producer, and my good friend Kate was the assistant director. It's a really well done show, and it's still playing this week. If you get a chance, go see it. The next stop with B and Galen was a good-bye party for a girl at our church who is moving away, leaving the country. It was a fairly chill night, and there was lots of great food to sample.

Next stop: Nuit Blanche. This was an all night exhibition of contemporary art sponsored by Scotiabank. There were things to see all over the city. I started out with my pals Blake and Jam on Queen St W. Then we started meeting up with Kate, Joan and Isaac. Then it was Anton, Lisa and her brother. Then it was Elaine and Jeremy and...As you can tell, the first part of our adventuring turned out to be more about trying not to lose each other instead of really getting going. So, we decided to split up and meet back on Queen W at the Camera Bar at 3am. Good plan. Jam, Blake and I then hopped in a cab and decided to head over to check out the fun at OCAD, where we met up with Mark and Jam's cousin.

Wow, ok, so OCAD and Grange Park was covered in different activities. A giant game of Twister, games of chess, marbles and jacks. Our first stop was to see the pool of floating penguins. A very "steamy" walk through a locker room/pool area following the story of the gay penguin couple at the San Fransisco zoo. Weird. We didn't really feel there was much to the showing, so we ploughed through, and were dissapointed to see a few measley balloon penguins floating in the pool. Here the disillusionment started.

Inside the OCAD building there were several movies playing on the wall. As we were already at a point of feeling irreverent towards the art, this is where the real fun got going! We paused at this one movie - a movie with people in a building doing weird things. One shot was of someone's mouth approaching an eye, out of nowhere Blake said quite audibly "LICK IT!". Ha!And guess what? The person did! Ahaha. Next we went upstairs to another movie. This one was of a picture on a wall, where the camera kept moving closer and closer. B decided to put up his umbrella and walk across the screen. Oh my gosh! Too funny. A few moments later, Jam who was sitting with me, nudge his umbrella towards me. I had my own, but I got the message. We opened them up and walked in front of the screen also. Hilarious. Blake and Mark were killing themselves behind the scenes, the funniest part being that most people thought it was part of the show!

The hilarity continued in the "Ball room", a room filled with about 10, 000 dodge balls. It was great. We launched balls for a good 45 minutes at anyone and everyone. Such a great stress reliever and it was so fun. Especially because us crew would gang up and then try and intice someone to fight us. So good. We totally scared some people off the floor. After that B left us, and the rest of us crew headed to Camera Bar. About 20 minutes later, after fighting tooth and nail for a cab (we apparently weren't a good enough fare!) we took the street car and got to the bar just before last call. (Thanks Jam, best beer ever!) We met up with Lisa, Kim, Enoch and Anton and chilled a little. Then at almost 5:30 am we decided to head back to OCAD to see if we could get free breakfast. But not without taking another trip to the Ball Room with Colin. So much fun!

After the venture, breakfast was attempted, but it turned out to be more sad than good, and so we all respectively drifted off home, and I hit the pillow at 7am! What a night!

In the Kay-Dub

2006-09-29T14:33:00.000-04:00

Earlier this week, I was in KW again for work. It was really great to see my entire team back together again - we all work in three different cities, so even if we talk every day, we rarely get that face to face fun. It was great. We chatted lots, and worked lots. And we also took the time to have a very trash talked filled game of pool. Ha! So fun! I'll never forget Chugosh's face when I landed a fluke fancy shot after missing every other ball!

The venture was also good because I got to stay with Mum and Dad for a few day - Mum gave me a great red/black lamp for my birthday - perfect for the living room. We also had a good friend of the family visiting from England, and I didn't think I was going to get a chance to see her. Very cool.

The only downside? In Waterloo I swear all you do it sit and eat. I ate so much that I can't help but think I'm glad I don't have to live through what we've affectionately "Watermoo Days" that often.

The Birthday Countdown

2006-09-29T09:21:00.000-04:00

It's begun.

Today is exactly one month to my 25th birthday.

And now I wait.

2006-09-26T00:29:00.000-04:00

For the next move.

It's up to you God.

I found my Molly!

2006-09-22T15:19:00.000-04:00

Reunited at last! I can't believe it. I finally got back in touch with my most favourite, cherished and super awesome "camper" and friend Molly. We met at Camp Rim Rock back in the summer of 2002 when I was a counselor in Choctaw. Molly was in my cabin, and we got along super well. She's a fantastic, energetic and athletic gal who's totally into making camp a great experience for everyone.

Although we got along well that first year, it was really the next year when we became really tight. We would hang out all the time, play cards, talk, laugh, write letters, and she became like a kid sister to me. I've really missed her. Really.

Beeing a really bad correspondent, we just sorta lost touch a while ago. I thought she would never forgive me and that I had lost her trust forever. Really. Guess what? I was wrong! We finally got back in contact via MySpace/MSN over the last couple of days, and it's great! I can't believe she's 18 now and going to university in Colorado. (I sooo wanna go visit). Wow.

Mols, Mookie, M-dawg - I'm glad to have you back.

Funny pictures of the day.

2006-09-20T10:56:00.000-04:00

Running around in circles

2006-09-20T08:30:00.000-04:00

Ever play a "game" when you were a kid where you just started to run in a circle? There was no point to it really, it was mostly about wasting time and energy, or something. I don't know. It was fun. These days I feel a bit like I'm stuck in that kind of circle, except the fun has gone out of it. I'm running around in a circle, doing the motions, trying to expend energy to get out of the circular pattern. Yet every time I think I'm making progress because I'm doing work, I ended up back in the same spot, staring at the same thing, and I'm just tired.

I'm going nowhere.

Happy birthday Enoch and Johanna!

2006-09-19T09:25:00.000-04:00

It's your birthdays. You're both awesome. Woo!